On my deathbed.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheWr0ngChild, Jul 18, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    My eyes are bloodshot from crying for 2 days, I have pain in my back & side(monthly problems) worthy of being kicked there with a football boot, it almost had me on the floor yesterday. I everytime I get the waves of pain it feels like I can't breathe. I felt sick most of the day too.
    I'm also having massive flashbacks to the supported living place which are litteraly like jumping into time portals and going back there.

    Everytime I go into a shop and walk past rows of things I could use to end this the temptation is getting stronger, it's like a parasite feeding off me.

    I beleive death to be nothing special, it's only a big deal for those left behind.
    If we do have a soul and it does move on to another plain of existance after our body dies, then I'm pretty sure mine would be 100% better off not having a body. People bang on about how suicide is selfish, but isn't it just as selfish to be a leech off others and make them watch you writhe about as pain rips through your abdomen or be awake all night doubled up on the floor in the fetal position trying to muffle my screams with a pillow? Thats selfish. Having a menstrual cycle has made me a very needy, weak person. I can't do half the stuff I used to and I feel like a decrepid old person, I'm only 22 and I'm saying that. I feel old, worn out and old. I feel like I should be sitting round the fireplace telling stories about my life because I don't really have any more chapters left to tell. Every month kicks me down that little bit more.

    Not many people know what it means to wake up and the first thing you do is burst into tears because you woke up.

    Well, as another session of pain is on the way I'm going to leave it at that and try and get through my day second by second, because seconds are the only time span I can trust right now.
  2. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    hey, sorry to bring up the same thing again but you didnt reply to my last post about this issue. I'd still recommend seeing a gynecological or endocrine specialist about symptoms that are clearly ruining your life...there are lots of medical managements out there if this issevere PMS other than pills
  3. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Sorry. I have tried to ask but no doctor beleives me and you have to go through a regular doctor in order to see a speicalist and they do no beleive it exists, some have even LAUGHED at me when I told them some of the symptoms.
  4. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    You know, some people are ignorent, and if thay dont beliave you
    then you should explode with rage shouting at them, that way, thay will do anything.
    I had problems getting a credit card, yet i had nice income.
    thay told me i cant get it becose my income is too low, what i did?
    I stand and start shouting so that every one in the bank will hear me

    And guess what, after 1 week i had my cradit card :)
    So sometimes you just have to fight, shout, and kick, to get something...
  5. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    wtf...man some doctors are just... id say try gettin other medical opinions- cos u shouldnt be living like this with the level of medical science these days
  6. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I can't help the poorly funded health trust in my area, it all depends on your postcode to the quality of service you get, if you fall into an underfunded area then you get cost cutting, not treatment. Prescribing pills raises their reputation and gets them BIG bonuses from various pharmacy companies.
  7. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    my eldest sister suffers with chronic abdomen pains every month, and she doesnt have a mensutral cycle. she suffers with severe ovarian cysts, and she is 24 and they have already removed one ovary. she only just got married. 2 weeks ago she had 2 go for another operation for the umptheth time to remove a cyst. Her GP has suggested she gets a coil or some sort inserted to prevent the chronic stomach pains. I no you are saying that the medic proffession are being knobs (basically) well you need to keep on going until they see that you need medical attention, and that you need to be investigated, as these pains must be so bad. also because you are young it is affecting your life, mentally and physically.

    Good luck

    Keep posting if anything changes

    Xx Sky xX
  8. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I'm glad this worked for you, but over here all they would do is refuse to treat me or say I was mentaly disturbed and have me sectioned. There have been cases of doctors going to wild lengths to lock their patients up, usualy it involves a "team" of people from the hospital and police smashing your door down, jamming a needle in your arm and dragging you away. Doctors are NOT people to trust, all they are bothered about is pleasing the government prescribing and psychiatric admissions targets.
  9. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Well im sorry to hear things are so bad over there.
    The truth is, that it is easyer for me to get things i need in life becouse
    im a great actor, and combined with my somewhat high inetelectuality
    i can menipulate others if needed, that way i can make people to trust me
    and then to help me, done that so many times its natural for me.

    Maybe thay dont beliave you, if you have history over there in this hospital
    you should try to go to a diffrent hospital, when you will be there, go to
    the emergency reception, tell them that you are in pain and can bearly move
    make a sad face, so that it will look like you have this really strong pain
    even if you dont, just make everything you can so that thay beliave you.
    If needed, fight them, i saw people refusing to leave a hospital becouse
    the doctor refused to help them, even if the security comes, just go out and then go back in, if thay will try to arrest you (i dont think thay will though)
    then tell the cops that you are in pain and thay dont want to help you...

    Anyways, i bet you are smart enough to come up with an idea :)
    Good luck! And dont let them ignore you or your situation, dont be afraid to fight.
  10. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I can really relate to the feeling old thing, I'm 22 as well but my body feels at least 40 years older. Having to walk with a sick at the moment and so people either treat me like I'm invisible or my iq has halfed.

    Anyway, enough about me. I'd say keep trying with the nhs, there are good doctors out there, they're just very difficult to find. Make an appointment with your GP and take someone that you trust and who has seen you in this pain along with you, and get them to tell the doctor how badly this effects you. You have a legal right to have someone with you at the doctors so don't let them try to tell you otherwise. Maybe even take a tape recorder in with you too. If your GP doesn't listen make an appointment with a different one. Again, you have the legal right to get a 2nd (or 3rd, 4th etc) opinion. Try calling nhs direct (I can't remember the number, sorry), they probably wont be very helpful but there's no harm in trying them. If there's an nhs walk-in centre anywhere near you go in there as well, you don't have to live in the same area, they're open to anyone. And also, when the pain is really really bad call an ambulance and go to A&E that will at least get you seen at a hospital where they are often less likely to just fob you off than GPs. At the same time maybe look into alternative medicine, some of it is total cobblers but places like Holland and Barrett will give you really good advice and some of it works really well, advice from there is free but the products are expensive.

    Hope some of that helps, please at least consider doing some of the things I've suggested. Don't give up.
  11. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    Lucky girl! If you talked about side effects of the contraceptive pills in my country some would quickly label you "catholic fundamentalist fearmonger".
    (Hell, not even myself like to listen about it, to be quite frank. It depresses my sex drive :sad:)

    But seriously, I don't know what PMS is, but I have some distant idea what it feels like when you are in pain and nobody wants to listen to your screams. I hope you find a way out of this.
  12. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I am in the same boat, most doctors laugh at me when I tell them symptoms and just tell me to take some prozac, you are lucky though you live in the UK so you have free health care, here in the states you just go more and more into debt everytime you see a doctor
  13. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Do not give up. Continue to go in to the doctors until they take you seriously. Your problems go beyond what is normal even under the most extreme of circumstances. You mention being worried about being sectioned if you keep complaining. Well, maybe you should let them. If they are a witness to what is going on they would no longer be able to ignore it. Just a thought. It would be better than the options you are currently considering.
  14. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I've lived in fear of them all my life and I'm not about to go holding red rags to money & target hungry bulls.
  15. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sorry, I was only trying to think of other ways to make them believe you. I hope you find help hun.
  16. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Well I have "it" today without going into details. All my symptoms vanished within the first 6 hours and I feel like I'm on a high, litteraly. I'm in quite a bit of pain and very tired, but it's not as bad as the PMS.
    I really noticed it this month, just how much of a grip it actualy has over EVERYTHING I do.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.