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On my way

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Myaing

Myaing

. . . ☯ . . .
#1
#1
Im standing at the bus stop and i just want to fall on my knees, then lie down and... just space out. I find it difficult to walk as my motivation to live ceases.
And i dont even have the rights to be this sad... my life is peaceful, my job is perfect for my condition. I have a roof over my head, i have a place to live! ...but i just feel like... no.
I feel bad. Really bad.
 
Myaing

Myaing

. . . ☯ . . .
#2
#2
Cant work. Sitting around, hope no one will notice. Thinking about asking to go home early, but i dont have the balls. Nothing would change anyway. I will still feel bad tomorrow and after that. I dont know where to put myself. Im getting a sense of panic because of it.
I feel like with each brakedown i am getting cloaser to doing it. But i dont want to! But what else can be done? There is no other way. I feel so fucking lost, i dont know where to go, who to talk to... like... i wish i could afford a psychotherapist. Or just drugs. A lot of drugs. I know im basically whining at this point and it makes me feel even worse. I feel like i am embarassing myself by just existing. Its a never ending loop of self inflicted suffering. I wish someone would give a damn...
 
Myaing

Myaing

. . . ☯ . . .
#3
#3
I decided to do everything that needs to be done today. Write a letter, clean my room, etc. And will make my mind up.
Im tired of waiting for signs, im tired. It seems life speaks to everyone but me. Everyone ussualy gets some sort of sign of hope in the darknes. But the last weeks leading up to this have just been... encouraging. My friends have given up on me. My parents dont give a flying fuck. My sibling hates me. I realized that i have no way of surviving on my own, im fucking burdening everyone. Im irresponsible. My life is a fucking joke.
 
Road to Nowhere

Road to Nowhere

💫💫💫💫💫
SF Supporter
#6
#6
I'm sorry your hurting so much Myaing, I hope you see how wonderful you are and that
you have so much to offer to others. Please see that there is always hope, sending you
prayers and wishing you comfort, peace, and strength. *hug
 
Myaing

Myaing

. . . ☯ . . .
#7
#7
Well... actualy there is a sign. Last time i decided to do this, some months ago, the person i live with got sick. So i couldnt... do it, because he was home all the time. And now... hes suddenly on vacation, so again. I have to wait until he starts going to work again. I mean its an interesting coincidence. I really have the guts to finnaly do it, but i cant risk. If something goes wrong i might cause some serious damage to myself and not die...
I... i dont know what am i doing anymore. Thank you all for the kind words, truly appreciated <3
 
Bergerac

Bergerac

Well-Known Member
#8
#8
Myaing said:
Well... actualy there is a sign. Last time i decided to do this, some months ago, the person i live with got sick. So i couldnt... do it, because he was home all the time. And now... hes suddenly on vacation, so again. I have to wait until he starts going to work again. I mean its an interesting coincidence. I really have the guts to finnaly do it, but i cant risk. If something goes wrong i might cause some serious damage to myself and not die...
I... i dont know what am i doing anymore. Thank you all for the kind words, truly appreciated <3
Click to expand...
I think you should indeed take these as signs not to do it. Someone is looking out for you up there.
 
Lekatt

Lekatt

Love Cats Love All
SF Supporter
#12
#12
Myaing said:
Well... actualy there is a sign. Last time i decided to do this, some months ago, the person i live with got sick. So i couldnt... do it, because he was home all the time. And now... hes suddenly on vacation, so again. I have to wait until he starts going to work again. I mean its an interesting coincidence. I really have the guts to finnaly do it, but i cant risk. If something goes wrong i might cause some serious damage to myself and not die...
I... i dont know what am i doing anymore. Thank you all for the kind words, truly appreciated <3
Click to expand...
Hi Myaing.

I like your "Life is an experiment..."
Would you like to experiment by reading about David and/or Eileen.
They both attempted suicide, but found something totally different. Things are not always as they seem to be. Love. Hope you get to feeling better, I do care.
 
Myaing

Myaing

. . . ☯ . . .
#13
#13
Lekatt said:
Hi Myaing.

I like your "Life is an experiment..."
Would you like to experiment by reading about David and/or Eileen.
They both attempted suicide, but found something totally different. Things are not always as they seem to be. Love. Hope you get to feeling better, I do care.
Click to expand...
Sure. Where can i read?
 
Myaing

Myaing

. . . ☯ . . .
#16
#16
Lekatt said:
Hi Myaing.

I like your "Life is an experiment..."
Would you like to experiment by reading about David and/or Eileen.
They both attempted suicide, but found something totally different. Things are not always as they seem to be. Love. Hope you get to feeling better, I do care.
Click to expand...
I read the stories and listened to some suicide survivor stories this morning on youtube. I dont know... i guess my view on life could change. But right now i cant see it happening in my life. I still have time to think.
Thank you for helping <3
 
Lara_C

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#19
#19
Just stay here and keep talking with us @Myaing so we can help you through this. We know what it's like to think and feel as you do right now, but we also value you being here with us very much. You are probably loved and cared about more than you realize "irl" too, and your family and friends would be devastated if you weren't here. Surface appearances can be deceptive.
 
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