It's funny how for some people things just seem to always go wrong.... I have finally found a guy who is living with me and ready to have children. And whom I like .... We are moving to a different, nicer appartment next month. That would be great news. The only problem is I found out he is seeing another woman regularly. Some people might say that shouldn't be done, but I did get to read his messages on his phone. I did that because he was acting funny and I thought something was off. Now I know what it is. I am glad I know because otherwise I was just blaming myself thinking I was doing something wrong. But it's sad. I really love him and like the way he is. And he is with me every day, we live together. But something was not ok. It is a woman with whom he was in a relationship in the past. Then they broke up but never really completely broke contact off. The woman is clearly in love with him. She doesn't know I exist. I don't know if he is just playing with both of us, or just me, or just her. In any case it is not good. We were talking about having a child. I am 40 years old and no children so far, this is something I really want. Why can't it just work out ok without such complications? I have never had a single relationship where there wouldn't be some other people involved. I always had to deal with other women... Why can't I just simply meet a guy who likes me, whom I like and we enjoy a relationship together? I am really doomed. I feel sometimes like people don't wish me to be happy, like they want to make me feel bad, useless,like I don't matter. Don't know why.
On repeat
- Thread starter Marga
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I feel the same way about being doomed, I feel like I was simply meant to be alone.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you can clarify whether or not he is actually in a sexual relationship with her or not. I've always felt very strongly about cheating, and it sounds like at the very least he hasn't let her know he's in a relationship and living with someone, which is something he should have told her right away.
He is meeting her and it does involve sex unfortunately. 😞 Honestly I don't know what to do. Of course this makes me sad and hurts me. At the same time I really love him and I have really wanted to be with him and hoped that we could live together and have children together. So when this seems to be happening I don't really want the relationship to end. Of course I hate that he is cheating. I could however get over that if it stops. He used to be in a relationship with this woman before that was relatively serious. Then they split up. Now he is seeing her again and he hasn't told her he is in another relationship and living with me. So actually the problem is she probably thinks they are back in a regular relationship. I am also slightly worried he could just go back to her and leave me, even though we are planning to move to a new place and I suppose if he wanted to leave me he wouldn't do that, although you never know. We are actually part of a certain community and I know who this woman is and we even have some friends (not close ones) in common. What I tried is that I told my partner that someone told me there are rumours he is seeing this woman. He denied it. For obvious reasons I cannot tell him I checked his phone and confront him with that. He clearly doesn't want to stop seeing her. What I am considering is to find a way so that she learns through some of our common friends that he is in a relationship and living with someone. I think in that case she wouldn't want to continue seeing him. It is very unfair to both her and me. Of course I could just break up with him. I don't like that idea because I love him a lot and because I really already need to try to have children, I need to hurry with that due to my age. I am just so disappointed I have to face this situation. I had ugly relationships all my life and I was really hoping I could find one that would be nice and honest. Guess I am really not lucky with that... or probably just stupid because there were sone signs that I was ignoring...😞😞😞 I know people break up all the time. But at least sometimes they have a nice relationship that then gets worse and ends. I feel like I have always struggled in my relationships and could hardly ever enjoy one.😔😔 Thanks to everyone who read my post and replied.
I'm so sorry. I would be devastated. You deserve someone who is faithful. You're in a tough situation. Even if he says the other relationship is just sexual and/or he breaks it off, would you be able to trust him in the future? I don't have kids but it's my understanding that pregnancy and young children can put a strain on even the best relationship. Could you trust him not to cheat if you were swollen up with pregnancy, or sleep deprived with a newborn?
You may wish to seek professional help, especially given that you have a history of bad relationships. I think if I were in your situation I would want professional advice.
Sending you best wishes and prayers.
I'm so sorry. I would be devastated. You deserve someone who is faithful. You're in a tough situation. Even if he says the other relationship is just sexual and/or he breaks it off, would you be able to trust him in the future? I don't have kids but it's my understanding that pregnancy and young children can put a strain on even the best relationship. Could you trust him not to cheat if you were swollen up with pregnancy, or sleep deprived with a newborn?
You may wish to seek professional help, especially given that you have a history of bad relationships. I think if I were in your situation I would want professional advice.
Sending you best wishes and prayers.
You may wish to seek professional help, especially given that you have a history of bad relationships. I think if I were in your situation I would want professional advice.
Sending you best wishes and prayers.
Decisions about relationships are very personal. It's easy for someone who's not in your shoes to advise a particular course of action that you're not ready for.
I'll try to offer some advice from a non-judgmental and understanding perspective.
A member here has recommended a couples counseling phone app called "Lasting". @Lady Wolfshead mentioned a similar phone app called "Paired" that has good reviews.
Seeing an actual couples counselor might be another option.
Would you see having a child with him, but later breaking up with him being better than if the relationship just ended without having a child?
I think relationships can survive infidelity, though usually trust is damaged. I think it's ok to do whatever you feel is best for you.
Hugs Marga
I'll try to offer some advice from a non-judgmental and understanding perspective.
A member here has recommended a couples counseling phone app called "Lasting". @Lady Wolfshead mentioned a similar phone app called "Paired" that has good reviews.
Seeing an actual couples counselor might be another option.
Would you see having a child with him, but later breaking up with him being better than if the relationship just ended without having a child?
I think relationships can survive infidelity, though usually trust is damaged. I think it's ok to do whatever you feel is best for you.
Hugs Marga