On suicide and such...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by $user_log, Jan 24, 2008.

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  1. $user_log

    $user_log Guest

    I suppose like most people the thought of suicide has crossed my mind.
    However, unlike most people, who are able to simple brush it aside and move on, I find that suicide is a recurring theme in my life. Maybe I should be more clear, I have never attempted suicide and don't believe I could ever go through with it -the main reason being the pain that it would case to my friends and family. I feel like I could never put them through that.

    However, It seems that the only reasons I am still alive is for others, I have no real internal reasons to exist. No grand meaning. No purpose. I exist merely because of empathy and some odd form of Utilitarianism, 'greatest good for the greatest number'.

    My thoughts of suicide do not stem from a desire for attention, a failed career, self-hatred, loneliness, or a dysfunctional family. It is a much larger issue at hand, it is an intellectual struggle. I have always considered myself a logical person, and yet it seems that I exist in an illogical world. An Absurd world. A world that makes no sense.

    My intent in writing this is not to encourage others to think about suicide or to encourage it. I would never want to be responsible for the life of another person. However, I feel like I cannot seriously continue to put-off these question, and at one point or another I will ultimately have to address them. It seems like I can never find an adequate place to seriously talk about suicide and whether it has any real merits.

    I can definitely see some reasons for Living, among these: We are able to experience the 'good'. By this I mean that we are able to pursue joy, pleasure, friendship, love, knowledge, entertainment, and all other positive experiences. On the other hand, existing also means we can experience the 'bad', and even the 'good' gets repetitive and pointless.

    When thinking about suicide, one of the thoughts that arises is a desire 'to escape'. Sometimes it just seems that, I wish 'it would just end' so that I could experience a peaceful rest. Although my personal situation is not a bad one, I simply don't have much of a will to keep going. It's almost like I'm a preprogrammed robot designed to simply 'exist' and not ask why. I suppose the entire root of my problem is that -'Existence precedes Meaning'. That is, I was created arbitrarily, without any real purpose other than to create 'happiness' for others and myself.

    The world tells me just to follow, ignore any feelings of Absurdity, and just find some distraction to keep thinking from it. I hear that I should create my own meaning, but how can I invent something out of nothingness? I apologize for my long rant, I simply felt it would be a good idea to write and see if maybe I've failed to consider something or maybe if someone had a situation similar to mine.
    -Matt
     
  2. the pet 69

    the pet 69 New Member

    matt my husband had the same sittuattion as yours and he did go through with it he is now gone please dont you do the same i miss him so much if only i could have him back its so selfish to kill your self yours Rach
     
  3. tesseract

    tesseract Well-Known Member

    Hello Matt, welcome to Suicideforum.

    I don't think anyone, who has actively been contemplating suicide could merely "brush it aside".

    Your cause for suicide, hmm, yes, the world is not a good place at this time. It is cruel, for seemingly no reason whatsoever. This makes us wonder, why should we take part?

    Yes, to live, means cope with the bad to experience the good. The problem is, good and bad pretty much counter each other, and what are we left with? Questions on why we are here. What is our purpose. The question is though, if there is a reason, is it possible for us to know it? For example, your blood cells, just like the robots you mentioned, live, and die. They do not know why. But in the end, the build up a system, so complex, they could never understand. A system, called you.

    Wanting to know why is a natural feeling. As you stated, the world is irrational, and many things that we use as facts, don't actually have a purpose/point, or at least, we can't see them.
     
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