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On The Breaking Point

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mitternacht, Apr 30, 2009.

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  1. Mitternacht

    Mitternacht Member

    Hello everyone,

    Ive been lurking here for awhile but due to my extreme anxiety I never have posted till now. My whole life has been a struggle yet the suicidal thoughts did not start until i turned 10. I was born with mobius syndrome just google it and you'll get the idea. Because of this Ive been social outcast for most of my life. But the last few years since i turned 16 have been the worst. First off the few childhood friends i had turned on me and i still don't know why. Second i found that i will never be able to drive due to my disability. And last but not least I can't even find a job and Ive been looking for 4 years. Its pretty sad when McDonald's discriminates against you... Due to my disability Ive also devloped a extreme case of social anxiety to the point that in the past Ive stayed inside for 6 months. I'm just to the point now I can't go on anymore like this. I can deal with my disability I just can't handle the way most people treat me its just like I'm a worthless piece of **** and only good for taking advantage of. Idk i could keep going on but I'm sure most of you have heard it before. I just hope someone here can help somehow.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    First of all, welcome to the forum.

    I'm sorry people have treated you like an outcast because of your disability. I can relate to that on some level, because I've been blind since birth. I know it's not the same thing; but I do know what it feels like to be excluded because of a disability. It can make the world seem like a really cruel place. So if you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM me anytime.
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I just read up on the syndrome and read that many people lead full lives, with personal and professional success. Is it the feelings of anxiety that are holding you back? And are you getting help with those issues. Feel free to send me a private message, I will respond.
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    welcome to the forum.

    thanks for sharing about your situation. i will check things out on google , but first i wanted to say hi, and extend my support.

    i am glad you reached out here, and i am only a pm away, if you want to talk. :console:
  5. Belladonna

    Belladonna Well-Known Member

    I can't imagine what you are going through. Things that make you feel or look different from everyone else is such a huge burden. Even though I haven't suffered anything like you, I can say one thing that may help, good people are hard to find but with you being the way you are, kind from the heart and obviously intelligent, you have a better chance of meeting quality people than most others. You have to deal with so much that I can't even imagine. Obvious things such as discrimination is probably just one little piece in all the things you worry and think about. You probably have to worry about things that people like me take for granted. I admire you and can't help but to think that there are way too many people missing out on your friendship and company because of their idiocy. I know that no one can promise that things will be better, but I can promise that things will PROBABLY get better. At 16, you are stuck in your town, in your school, and among the same old people. As you grow older, especially in college, you'll be around a lot more people and you get to choose where you want to live. Although there's no such thing as a perfect place and there are jerks everywhere, there are definitely places where you get to be among more people that are diverse, then you have a chance of meeting a few good people among the mediocre that you become real friends with.

    I'm so glad you posted this so I got a chance to meet you!
  6. Mitternacht

    Mitternacht Member

    Your post pretty much sums up how i feel although I'm 20 now not 16 but no problem. Most people just take one look at me and walk the other way and don't even take a chance to get to know me. Over the years there have been a few people who have but Ive lost contact with them. I know theres always going to be people that will push me away due to my disability but for the ones that can get past my looks would find that I'm a good person. I really have a lot to offer.
  7. Belladonna

    Belladonna Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry about the age mistake. I hope you can find the strength to hang in there despite all the pain and the way you are treated. It is so obvious that you're a great person to be cherished just from your posts. You exude intelligence, strength, and compassion. Sometimes I think people see too much from their eyes. I am one of those freaks that rarely remember such things like the color of someone's eyes, their name, or sometimes, even their hair color. I kind of like that because I often do not notice things that other people feel self-conscious about, like pimples! Of course, I probably would be the worst person to spot a criminal in a police lineup! I had a co-worker who had the BIGGEST crush on another co-worker. The guy with the crush has cerebral palsey and half of his side is paralyzed. Of course, airhead me never noticed, and hen we were eating lunch, he was complaining that he got rejected from the company softball team by this asshole coworker. My first reaction was, why? He looked embarrassed and said because of my side. So I say, why, what's wrong with your side? He and the other girl look shocked and he says that he has cerebral palsey, and I say I'm sorry, I hadn't noticed. A week later, he was happy that I hadn't noticed but he twisted the conversation around in his head where he thought that the girl that he was crushing on hadn't noticed. Our minds are strange things and i REALLY don't want you to lose hope.

    I can't help but to think that there are a lot of people that are like me--when they interact with you, they remember the conversation, the way you are and how you treat the other person. Either that or I'm a TOTAL freak that exists by myself and I know for sure that I'm NOT unique!!
  8. Mitternacht

    Mitternacht Member

    Really if i don't talk no one would even know I'm disabled. When i talk my moves to one side which is what most people notice. But i can't just sit around and say nothing my whole life. I used to play guitar in a band no one even knew i was disabled until afterwords when they would come up and talk to me.
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