Had a shit few years. Godmother who basically replaced my father died age 40 from cancer, uncle died of cancer, grandad died of cancer, 2 cancer scares with my mother, who I've been taking care of since I was ten, she has clinical depression and social anxiety and from looking at my family history, I'm probably getting some form of cancer in later life too, probably an untreatable kind. Best friend killed himself, several others keep trying. I've been depressed for a number of years, had a few suicide attempts previously, been trying to give up the SI for years, just can't. Cut deeper than I have before about an hour ago, my girlfriend, who has been my one solid base for years doesn't give a shit and she is more than likely dumping me tonight (trust me, this isn't an unfounded worry.). I can't deal with any more and it'll be a small miracle if I'm still breathing tomorrow. tl;dr shit happened and I want to die more than ever. Sorry for how pathetic that all is, didn't know where else to turn.