I can't do this anymore. I can't I can't I can't. I can't wait for things to get better, because you know what? they're not. things will never get better, I won't get better. I'll just be be in crisis, planning to try a method or suffering through another half hearted od because I'm too much of a coward to use the method I know will work. because I'd rather it look like an accident, or "complications" of my eating disorder. hey, at least I'd die thin. my mother's birthday is today. in an hour I have to put on a fancy dress and a fake smile and try to cover up all the various cuts and scars on my body from being an emo and cutting for the last week in an attempt of some kind control. I'm scared I guess. I don't know what to do.