on the edge...again

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by whiskeylullaby, Jun 23, 2010.

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  1. whiskeylullaby

    whiskeylullaby Well-Known Member

    I can't do this anymore. I can't I can't I can't. I can't wait for things to get better, because you know what? they're not. things will never get better, I won't get better. I'll just be be in crisis, planning to try a method or suffering through another half hearted od because I'm too much of a coward to use the method I know will work. because I'd rather it look like an accident, or "complications" of my eating disorder. hey, at least I'd die thin. my mother's birthday is today. in an hour I have to put on a fancy dress and a fake smile and try to cover up all the various cuts and scars on my body from being an emo and cutting for the last week in an attempt of some kind control. I'm scared I guess. I don't know what to do.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm sorry you're struggling so much, but I hope you made it through tonight okay. :hug: Here if you want to talk.
     
  3. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I have had these same thoughts, and its really rough when you feel this way. It is good though to write about it and at least release some of it here. Please keep talking. You sound like you are in a tremendous amount of pain and frustrated.

    I am here if you want to talk.
     
  4. whiskeylullaby

    whiskeylullaby Well-Known Member

    I appreciate you two saying something. tonight couldn't have gone worse though. made it through dinner fine, pushing food around and pretending to eat but no one bothered me, but then when the band started and everyone started talking to each other all of a sudden I get the "so what are you doing with your life" questions. and I try to play the role of the happy daughter but I just can't and now I'm hiding in the bathroom crying and shaking because i can't talk to anyone. and I know I'm going to get yelled at by my parents because I caused a scene and ruined mother's party. and I just want to disappear between now and the end of this. I can't handle it anymore.
     
  5. whiskeylullaby

    whiskeylullaby Well-Known Member

    nevermind. it doesn't matter.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2010
  6. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Hi Mayberry,

    In the middle of pain things seem insurmountable,but they are not. I have had so much difficulty in my life and know how hopeless it seems in the pain. But I promise you things will not always be that way. PLEASE remember to pray when you feel that way. It ALWAYS helps me. You are more loved than you can imagine and willsee in time how much you matter. Please write me if you need any help.

    Marty
     
  7. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Fuck them all Aly, do what you want with YOUR life and do what you think is going to make you happy. You are not a failure, you have dealt with more shit than most people have had to and have accomplished more than many that have much easier lives. Be happy with yourself, and screw everyone else. Balls :hug:
     
  8. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    I hope you are feeling better you are in my thoughts and prayers....
     
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