on the edge

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by coder90t, Aug 21, 2007.

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  1. coder90t

    coder90t Active Member

    I don't know how much longer i can hold on. it's like every day is worse.

    I have had 3 girlfriends. 2 have cheated on me, and 1 has pretended to love me, then just left me. People at school call me emo. My parents are lazy, drunk, and careless. I was raped when I was 10 years old by a babysitter. she is in jail. still, the scars in life are hard to overcome. when i was only 13, i attempted suicide, but survived.
    I am dating a girl named anna. are relationship is dying, and she says that she thinks i am just a emotional freak. I don't know why im still with her. I have done alchohal and drugs when i was 15 and quitted when i was 16, though, i have to take pills so i continue to stay drug free. I have been lucky not going to jail for that, but i think people just want to make things worse for me.
    about a month ago, my 10 year old brother found a gun under my bed. he threw it away, so there went that chance. I have had 3 friends die.
    Depression is attacking me. I try to cheer myself up, but then something bad has to happen.
    I have been having suicide thoughts run threw my head. im on the edge of attempting again. therapy doesn't help. it seems theres no hope.
     
  2. gemusan

    gemusan Active Member

    Sounds like you are still young. Trust me, there's a lot in life to live for. Just hang in there until you move out of your house and start your own life. I'm glad your brother threw away the gun because it shows he cares.
     
  3. coder90t

    coder90t Active Member

    but things keep getting worse.
     
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    coder it seems like you're going through a rough patch do you see someone for the way you're feeling?If not can you asap because thing's can improve,I know it seems helpless and hopeless now but it can and will I need you to believe me it will.I was so close to jumping off a 67 metre bridge we have here in town that many times but somehow I didn't and it still crosses my mind alot.

    The thing is I'm saying it can change I'm 32 and have been going through this shit for years,that's why I'm saying need to attack this now and hard otherwise it will get worse.I know you're hurting and it's sad your parent's may not help you,but this can be turned around.
     
  5. coder90t

    coder90t Active Member

    almost every day when im in school, the counceler inturrupts my school time and talks to me. actully, i hate him. he thinks he understands, he's just a fat old man .
     
  6. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    It sounds like your brother loves you very much and just wants to protect you. Please try to hold onto that love.
     
  7. coder90t

    coder90t Active Member

    he'd be better off without me i think.
     
  8. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    If he did, then why did he get rid of the gun? That shows he cares about you genuienly no?
     
  9. coder90t

    coder90t Active Member

    but i just make things worse. I mean, one of the people that hates me at school actully abused my brother. It's like if i mess with someone at school, they know my pressure points. And that would be beating up my brother.
    My life doesn't need to enterfear with his
     
  10. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Life will get better for you, if you take your own life then you will never know what could of been.

    Also whats wrong with being an emo, emo has been around for such a long time, longer then people think. It's only because people have started to use the word that others know about it. Most people don't even know what emo is. People who use the word emo in a degrading way are pathetic. So don't let what other people say to you, go to your heart.
     
  11. coder90t

    coder90t Active Member

    I guess your right. I just don't feel life getting any better.
     
  12. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Perhaps what you need is stability and normality. Also it seems like you don't have good company around you, especially if they criticize you easily.
     
  13. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Trust me, Your brother idolizes you. If you kill yourself you will ruin his life forever.
     
  14. coder90t

    coder90t Active Member

    Thanks for the comments gies.
     
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