On the edge...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rolltide333, Nov 12, 2010.

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  1. rolltide333

    rolltide333 Member

    My name is shawn, Ive been depressed for 6 years..Im only 20 years old. I have a fiance' but things have really taking a turn for the worse in the last year..Me and her fight almost everyday..well we used too until recently as of a few days ago..She told me one more serious fight..Then our two year relationship is over..She has given us a 2 month limit to see if we can work things out because she said she really does love me with everything shes got, but she can only take so much and I have to change..But she doesnt undertsand how hard it is to change When you have severe depression..She expects me to just change overnight and be happy all day everyday..Well I can't..Im 20 with nothing to show for..A college drop out..Recently got fired from a job again(my 6th one)..Im so sad because i cant seem to hold one..I have no car nor can I drive..My family doesnt give half a shit bout me and act like nothing is wrong..they just cuss me out all the time and tell me to just end it..I only have one friend and have lost all others over the years..I have fibromyalgia which keeps me from being very active..Im in constant severe pain all day 24/7..I have no insurance..no money..nothing and im bout to lose the most important person in my life..Ive been having suicidal thoughts for a long time now..I am just so curious to see whats on the other side
     
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Hello Shawn,

    Sorry that this is happening to you. You don't have insurance, but if you don't have a job you should be eligible for medicaid. You may be able to apply for disability benefits, but it can take a couple of years to get approved.

    This book might help. "Curing Fibromyalgia Naturally with Chinese Medicine"
    http://www.bluepoppy.com/cfwebstore/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&product_ID=372&ParentCat=33

    I haven't read this one, but I've read other books in the series. You may be able to get this from your library, but you would probably need to do it through ILB.


    I wonder if there is a fibromyalgia support group on-line.

    So it sounds like if you weren't so depressed and had a job, then your fiance would be happy?

    It might be helpful if your fiance read something, maybe chatted with somebody on-line about depression, so she can understand that it is a medical condition rather something that one can just willfully "snap out of" just like that.

    hope you can make it through this bro!
     
  3. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    What caused the depression at 14? Do you know? Did you ever get any help for it?
    I think that at the moment you really need to concentrate on your health issues before you concentrate on anything else. Take some time out if you can and try to look at the root of your depression.
     
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi Shawn....I'm so sorry you're going through this....and Im sorry your family aren't supportive...
    maybe some counseing for you and then together with your partner might help...
    I too have fibromyalgia and I sympathize with you....its a vicious circle..stress causes fibro' and fibro' causes stress..
    wonder if you're on antidepressants? they are prescribed for fibro' in many cases...
    joining a fibro group in real life may help you feel more understood...
    if you suffer with depression and fibro maybe you could get disability allowance and work part time...just a thought..
    I hope things sort themselves out..take care of yourself first ok..
     
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    just wanted to say welcome. i hope you keep posting, there are many people here to support you. we've all struggled with suicidal feelings. again, welcome.
     
  6. rolltide333

    rolltide333 Member

    Im no longer on anti-depressants..its been two years since I last had them..And no money means I cant get them now..Well I almost attempted suicide this past weekend..My fiancee broke up with me and we fought and I lost it and almost went through with things..That is until she started crying really hard begging me not to do it because she still loves and cares for me..but she thinks its best that were friends for now..I just dont know...I cant get help with anything..and its so hard getting around without a car..Im In a huge funk right now and I dont know if I will ever pull through..I cant get out of this town..Its too small to offer many job opportunities..I need to live somewhere much bigger to give myself a chance...But Nobody will help with a thing :(
     
  7. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You need to get back on the meds. Isn't there anywhere that will help you? How do the medical services work where you are?
    Also, I'm sorry but I agree with your girlfriend that right now you should just be friends. You're in no condition to have a relationship, you need to get well first. I don't know what to suggest about the employment situation. Getting a job will certainly help since it will give you some routine. Living in a city would provide more opportunities but can also be an isolating experience. You'd need to be prepared for that.
    In the meantime, try to get to the root of your problems. xxx
     
  8. rolltide333

    rolltide333 Member

    There are medical services but there not willing to help unless I Pony up the cash..Which Really is quite sad..And true it may be best that she called it off for now..It just hurts alot at the moment..Ive been through the break up thing before with her for 3 months when we first started dating..I had a Temp job last week as there the only ones hiring as of now but got layed off on the day i got dumped :( odd coincidence..they had hired too many people and didnt need me and wont give me any more job opportunities
     
  9. rolltide333

    rolltide333 Member

    Just a quick update..bout to commit suicide..This life has no meaning and ive bout given up on trying
     
  10. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Rolltide, please let us know that you're okay. You don't have to do this, you can fight it.
    Sending lots of hugs xxxx
     
  11. mountaincreek

    mountaincreek New Member

    are you from the uk?
     
  12. rolltide333

    rolltide333 Member

    Im fine for now..but honestly I dont know how much longer I can take..Im thinking of ways to end it as painlessly as possibly
     
  13. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    where do you live? maybe the members here can give you some specific advice. country is fine.
     
  14. rolltide333

    rolltide333 Member

    I live in a small town in alabama call rainsville..I hate this place with a passion
     
  15. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    You can change your life. Internal (feelings, attitude, motivation) and external ( jobs, back to college, learn to drive). You can do it.
     
  16. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    If you lived around here, the NY metropolitan area, I'd take you out to lunch ON ME :)
     
  17. rolltide333

    rolltide333 Member

    That would be nice :smile: It's always been one of my dreams to go to the big city
     
  18. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    Yea, you should watch the movie Midnight Cowboy, I think you'd like it, it's what the picture in my avatar is from. I swear it's one of the best movies ever. How he leaves his small lonely Texas town heading towards the big city (NY), all those flashbacks he gets of his old friends, his ex gf, his family....all just memories as he leaves his small town. I swear the movie gets me every time, I just bawl. It may even trigger more sadness just to let you know. But it's a beautiful film :) Good for the heart and soul :)

    Have a :night: Shawn.
     
  19. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Maybe you could go to another country and teach english.

    I hope that you are able to work this out, and I think you can!
     
  20. rolltide333

    rolltide333 Member

    Ive seen it..Its a wonderful film which Ive seen many times..It has been a couple years since I last see it though...I just have to find a way out of this town..Its so hard with no money or way..I would almost be willing to do anything to escape..Sometimes you gotta take big risks for the things you want..If only I had help with it..And Thanks so much :) You have a good night too
     
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