Ok, I don't know what to do. I'm a 23 year old male, 5' 10" and 300 pounds. Yah, that's alot. I've had an emotional eating disorder since I was maybe 10. I grew up with a workaholic dad and an insane mom who told me I'd grow up to be a rapist. I've never been on a "date" but I'm no virgin so don't let that get you twisted. I've been depressed for maybe 10 years in a serious way. I've been suicidal for the last year and a half. I handled it by getting myself hooked on crystal meth, cocaine and violence. Kicked those habits, and the only person who loved me, my sister, just got sent to prison for a long long time. I tried to off myself 1 week ago. A friend talked me off the ledge but now I don't think she did me any favors. I quit my job and I've just been sitting here. I wrote out my whole "life story" as it were, and it just sucks so bad. I know mall about suicide from the clinical side. I've stepped past the idealization. I've got a Plan, Means and Time Frame. My family has just been guilt-tripping me into staying alive. I just hurt so bad and I can't live for them anymore. I don't know why I'm even writing here. Maybe it's because I sat here, ready to go, and realized that there wasn't 1 person I wanted to let know I'm gonna go. That I was just gonna fade away. I donno. This ride sucks and I want off at the end of this block.