On The Verge of Suicide

[Booklover123]

I really do not see any point in living anymore. I feel constantly exhausted, and little things like speaking and walking up and down stairs take all of my energy. Everyone at school is mean, cruel, cold, and hostile, and my parents are always over critical and never happy with me. My brother is still nice most of the time but still....

I have been seeing a therapist, but all she says is that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and that suicide hurts more people than it helps. Also, everytime I try to talk to my parents about wanting to commit suicide, they laugh or scoff and are skeptical, saying (a) that I just feel that way because I had one rough day, (b) that I would never really do that and/or (c) that I'm being passive agressive and I am just doing it to get sympathy from them and make them feel guilty. For these same reasons, they refuse to pursue any further treatment besides the once-every-two-weeks therapy (I asked them to consider medication, but got a flat out no, in addition to a long lecture about using medication for temporary, petty, and insignificant problems).
The only reasons I haven't committed suicide yet are:
-A youth group at my synagogue that had really kind people in it, but that just ended until Fall
-I was planning on overdosing on pills, but my parents moved all their medications (maybe they did take me seriously) and I have to find them again, and I lack the resources to use any other method
-Four close friends, and one girl from my synagogue who is almost like an older sister who has been very supportive when I was bullied throughout the years.

Help anyone?

 

[solutions]

Well, your parents sound a big malignant for having such a basic lack of empathy. If they haven't listened to you even after a threatened suicide, there's really nothing you can do about that, unfortunately.

But, you know, it sounds like you've got a few things to live for. I'm assuming you think they aren't enough.

One thing worth asking is, Is there any opportunity, either now or in the future, to move out and find your own place? You wouldn't have to worry about your parents' approval anymore, and you could seek out the psychotherapy (once every two weeks doesn't sound like enough) and/or psychiatry that you really do seem to need. I hope you're able to achieve the goal of psychotherapy/psychiatry sometime in the near future, because your fatigue might be a sign of the beginnings of a worse depression. I'd rather you not progress to that stage, because then you'd be totally helpless and in pain.

Also, it may help to bring up to your psychotherapist this conflict you're having with your parents. That sounds painful, and your therapist may help to be a mediator between you and your parents. For instance, you could request that they be brought in during one of your sessions, and they might take your needs seriously then. It's worth a shot, in my opinion.

As a side note, pills almost never work. Unless you've somehow attained one of the extremely-difficult-to-obtain classes of pills that are often lethal in overdose, there's an extraordinarily high likelihood that not only will the attempt fail to kill you, but it will cause you agonizing pain as they wreck your insides and destroy your senses, potentially causing permanent damage. The effects vary per medication, of course, but generally they're all a very bad idea.

 

[dazzle11215]

how old are you?
if you are over 16 you can see a doc independent of your parents, the doc is bound by patient confidentiality to not reveal anything you say to him/her.
you can get medication on your own.

 

[jsnow]

Are there any groups you can try besides the one that finished? Your parents appear to be in denial about the situation. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't care; it might just be they don't know how to handle this type of situation.

 

[Petal]

Hi, I'm sorry your parents are so unsympathetic. Is this something you can talk to your therapist about? Your therapist might be able to come up with some solutions.

 

[qsb4u86]

That "permanent solution to a temporay problem" line is lie. The problems are often permanent and rarely "temporary"

 

[rhxc]

I think inmemoryofyou and jsnow have some good ideas. I had a similar issue with my mother not taking me seriously when I came to her and said I needed help. I believe she just didn't know how to handle it, or was in denial about her child feeling so much pain.
As far as I know, in the US doctors are reluctant to give out medication like that to minors because of the black box warning on them. That is what I was told by a doctor when I was 17, 3 years ago.
It may sound sort of silly when I say this, but it really is true. A lot of people get really depressed when they are young (as you seem to be) and for the most part it does get better. There is always another option besides suicide. You might not see it right now, but there are.

 

[solutions]

Haha, since everyone's talking about it, I'll say that when I first became ill with a psychotic mood disorder at 16, my parents had no idea how to handle me, either. It was very strange interacting with them. There were many times when my father would show frustration at my inability to make myself better, or times when he would minimize my desperation. There was one time in particular when I called a hotline, and when he found out, he was very, very angry at me, yelling at me that I didn't need them, that I'm not so crazy as to need a hotline.

Parents are rarely prepared to deal with a pathological child.