This week has been a real eye opener, and as of today, due to seeing no way through this, I can't even begin to tell you just how close I am to giving up. Have even been considering how to go about it, and the kicker is no one would discover me for at least a week (and that's being optimistic). I've strongly been considering this all day; this is the closest I've been to this point in a few years. It's not something I take lightly. Hospital is pointless. I was told at my last hospitalization four (or five) years ago that there is nothing more they can do to help me, and yes, those were their exact words. That's the only hospital I would be sent to due to insurance, so it's not like I can request going somewhere else. Even if I did go somewhere else I'd have no way back because of distance. Meds only make me worse. I never knew till I got off of them four years ago just how much worse they had actually made me, so they're not an option anymore, either. Besides, I had tried 'em all, so there were no new ones left to try. Maybe there are now, but I'm not willing to give them a try again, not after what I went through last time on them. I was in therapy, but quickly dropped it (a week ago) when I was told I only had a couple months of it left. They're only allowing 8-12 visits now then they cut you loose due to the influx of new folks due to the expansion (regarding healthcare). I did try to call the therapist I had on Fri, but she never returned my call. I stopped it only a week ago, and she said she wasn't going to close my case for a few weeks which is why I figured I'd try to call. Again, to no avail. I thought about calling the crisis line, but fear that's going to set wheels in motion that I'm not willing to face or ready to tackle. I did get out today, and went to the store, but afraid that didn't help as much as I was hoping it would. It's usually very helpful, but not this time.