on the verge

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by LILICHIPIE, Jan 30, 2008.

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    LILICHIPIE Well-Known Member

    ok Guys
    Heres the deal:
    ive heard a conversation from my roomates I shouldnt have had heard
    basically they were talking with some friends in the living room - the living room is next to MY room so they KNEW i would listen and it was pretty loud since they were laughing OUT LOUD

    basically so one of my roomates friend said "you should tell her to go away; i mean thats your flat blabla"; my roomate"yeah but i dont have the guts you know and I should give her one month to look for another room" the girl " yeah biut fuck you ve been talking like this behind her back but it aint gonna change" and them ,y roomate " yeah but shes a fucking weido staying on the internet with no lights" and so on

    ALL THAT SO LOUD SO THAT I COULD PROLLY HEAR - good job on that one they did
    all that with their friends; laughing about my situation; laughing about the fact that my roomate who had been talking behind my back - which i didnt know btw-didnt have the guts to ask me leave
    then criticizing my way of living; of talking - no good spanish accent -my way of looking - i sure lost a lot of weight and dont wear make up - my way of no talking barely eating; so yeah my way of being
    all that in a good laugh for almost an hour or so

    the situation:
    - they fucking know im depressed - not suicidial though but depressed yeah as ive been recently spending time most of my time in my room but i dont bother anyone and thats MY problem; plus i pay the rent and never been rude; making an effort to start a conversation when we meet in the apartment

    - I cannot believe how she reacted; even though we ve never been friends I wouldnt talk like that on a person; moreover knowing shes depressed and prolly listenning

    - she doesnt know im ending it friday fo good in france but i feel like leaving tomorrow the room and re taking a room in a hotel -possibly triggering then-

    - I feel like its the trigger u know; i feel like losing it; still not being able to do anything now because of fucking guilt they d find me dead in their apartment; ive been holding on because of that and right now i dont see if thats what they feel why i should bother about THEIR feelings

    I feel more than hurt and thats no kidding
    plus the girl; when she wasnt good for some ridiculous problem or when drunk; I was here; how dare she

    what should i do about the room
    right now im drinking to death to anger and pain

    dropped life; dropped hope; faith; pride;worth self; friends;school; about to be dropped w; rent like a asshole- those ple are my age btw-
    the thing is when am I really have the guts to fucking end it
    Im not sure friday is the right timing and Im fucking serious
    ive lost EVEVRYTHING in this battle with depression; even my pride - i wouldnt have let this going on like 2 years ago and would have confronted them right away
    lost everything evrything the very much pride of myself and self being - and thats not that episode; thats just i guess a consequence of it

    im really about to do it; right now drinking because id surely not miss to pass away without a good hangover at least
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 30, 2008
  2. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Some people are so insensitive....how do you put up with such bitchy flatmates???
  3. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Some people can be mean, or just acidentally hurting. I still wish you find your way out of all this :hug:
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Sorry that you had to listen to those mean girls talking about you Agnes. They don't know the real you, on the inside. They just see someone quiet and who looks different and they assume that she is weird. Maybe finding somewhere else to stay might be a good idea? Or maybe some sweet revenge might help...
  5. mrclean4456

    mrclean4456 Member

    hang in there Agnes....maybe they were just talking (girls can be very catty sometimes) and not really serious

    hope you find what you're looking for

    LILICHIPIE Well-Known Member

    NO just 2 girls then guys - who fucking dont know me and who I fucking dont know
    but since this fucking asshole has been talking shit well then
    How can people have a good laugh as she sees im not in my best advantage; in a very right way to hear it
    I fucking dont talk to her because i dont fucking want to talk to anyone
    but never been rude; never escaped a conversation when we talked or she talked to me
    been somehow here for her when things were not right

    I mean its fucking 15 years old behavior

    should i leave tomorrow
  7. OK, lets take a deep breath, stop grinding your teeth, and look at how simple it is to change your situation. No if's no But's...

    1) Was it raining outside, was it too cold, do you not have a coat to wear...meaning if you wasn't in your room listening threw the wall, none of the above would be applicable, because you wouldn't have heard it, and therefore you would not be seething about your so called friends. Sorry thats a little harsh, what i meant to say is...the next time you find yourself wanting to listen at the wall, say to yourself, if i don't hear what they say then i won't get angry about it.

    2) why don't YOU act on your OWN intuitions, you have obviously told yourself a number of times that you do not wish to be where you are, you obviously do not like whom you are living among. you seem bright and able to change your situation.

    3)try and be honest with yourself, and ask, is what i heard REALLY, what i heard, or did i hear what 'I' wanted to hear.

    and yes i think you should leave with your head held high, no goodbye's, no excuses, no revenge, no reasons, just up and go...
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