Once again, I feel different and left out...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by sgjertsen, Jan 19, 2015.

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  1. sgjertsen

    sgjertsen New Member

    I started cutting as a kid, stopped for a long time,and started again a few years ago. Then I stopped again for a little over a year only to start again about a week ago. I read what everybody else says about cutting and why they do it, what it does for them, and it only makes me feel worse. Once again, I'm different and don't fit in wih anyone else. I cut, especially during a crisis, because it is the ONLY thing that allows me to redirect my focus from suicide. It isn't about the pain, hell, most of the time it doesn't hurt. So I've never been able to come up with a better coping skill for my suicidal ideation. My brain starts racing, thoughts come pell-mell one after another, almost like they aren't my thoughts but instead are being fed into my mind by some outside source. When that starts, cutting has been the only thing that is successful EVERYTIME to redirect my brain. I'm not sure why I posted, I guess I'm just curious if there is anyone ese like me, or am I really so different?
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    I used to cut (its been a few years now) and it hurt like hell. I cut out of temper and because I wanted help and needed help. I honestly believe if I didn't get help that day I wouldn't be here.

    You are not alone in this, I have read other posts like yours in the past. It's a coping mechanism for you and that is understandable, I hope you get well soon :hug:
     
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I have cut once - just once - and honestly to see if it helped. Everyone was so insistent that it does - it didn't. It didn't hurt and it was mildly fascinating but that was that and I still felt like crap and I still wasn't distracted. I don't pretend to understand cutting but I do know something about finding things to distract from awful feelings. I go out and walk, or I make lists, or I come to chat and talk to people. Instead of cutting, next time try something you haven't tried before - it doesn't matter how stupid it seems - just pick something and do it. Something healthier than harming yourself - something kind and compassionate to yourself. Failing that - stop by chat and let us distract you.

    Take care and stay safe
     
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I used to be quite a bad cutter back when I was a teenager. I used to cut whenever I felt rage, upset, or felt like I deserved to be punished. When I used to cut myself, at first I felt a huge relief and slight euphoria as I felt like all the pressure that had been mounting up inside of me had been relieved, but soon after I had feelings of shame, guilt and it used to make me feel even more depressed and I ended up in a vicious cycle. You need to find a way to beat that cycle and address what it is that is actually driving you to be depressed and cut? Whilst you are working on those issues then you can use distraction as a technique to avoid cutting. Whenever I feel impulsive I distract myself by writing, playing video games, reading etc. If the urges get too much then you could always wear an elastic band on your wrist, then flick it every time you get an urge. It inflicts pain but is far less harmful than cutting.
     
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