I am a fractured and bizarre caricature of a person. Most everybody else seems to actually have some coherent identity. I swing between volatile moods, and I get angry really easily. I feel empty all the time. If those were my only problems, I might be able to tolerate life. But those aren't my only problems. Relationships are nearly impossible for me, because I switch between loving and hating so easily. One day I think someone is wonderful and perfect, and the next I hate their guts. I cannot seem to exercise enough mental self-control to actually have normal relationships. I have enough trouble keeping friends, much less anything closer than that. My personality is fucked up too. I switch my beliefs, ideals, and behaviours at the drop of a hat. I also seem to absorb personality and identity traits from those around me. Over the past two months or so, I have been a Catholic convinced I was going to become a Jesuit, a green anarchist who hated civilization, a paleoconservative UFO believer, and a Deleuze junkie. Why don't I have the strength of will to hold together some sort of personality? It doesn't help that I'm terrified of being abandoned. Wow, I sound like a whiny fucking idiot even writing this. But I'm going to post it anyway, for exactly that reason. Maybe you all will hate me as much as I hate myself.