once again

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by FallingLeaf, Jul 10, 2008.

  1. FallingLeaf

    FallingLeaf Member

    I just don't know what to do. I posted a few weeks ago about my boyfriend and I breaking up over my insecurities and him having flashbacks to his psycho ex.

    Well, I gave him space and time, and we've been talking a bit. Bantering back and forth, talking about books. Not much, a little bit a day. Yesterday I got a bit confused though, and waited awhile and sent him a text about battlestar galactica (news about it, it's his favorite show). he didn't reply, and wasn't online that night. His best friend's been at the hospital, a family member is very sick (the ex's grandmother is very sick too) so I got a bit worried and texted him today, just asking if everyhting was ok. Once again, no response. I left it alone for the day.

    I have an MRI and an appt with a neurologist tomorrow, possible MS diagnosis. I'm really nervous about it, so I IM'd him at about 2 AM when he signed online, just saying I was nervous and wondering if he was there.
    Now, I'm pretty sure he's not actually at his computer, so this shouldn't worry me. He was signing on and off frequently and his internet is wonky and typically does that when he's asleep or not there.

    I'm just so confused. It seemed like it was going so well- he had to have gotten the letter I wrote him, so he HAS to know I want him back. He's been talking to me and joking with me, basically talking to me how he did when we were together, just holding off a bit in the frequency. And all of a sudden he's disappeared. It's only for a day, I know, but could he be telling me to piss off somehow?

    It's killing me. I love him so much and I feel so dead right now. With everything going on and not knowing if he even gives a shit about me, much less wants me back...it's beyond hurt. It's just a dead feeling. Like he doesn't love me anymore, and couldn't have loved me as much as I thought he did (as much as he proved he did! he flew out to see me after three weeks of knowing one another through a friend, and when I got home we saw each other asap, it was wonderful!). I feel like it was all a lie and I feel like such a fool. I thought I'd truly found someone and now I just don't know. I still love him more than I can say.

    I'm feeling horrid =(
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Try not to let this get you down, it's only been a day. If he doesn't get in contact with you within 2-3 days then something may be up.
    He probably has alot going on at the moment, like you explained.
  3. isomyriad

    isomyriad Member

    At one stage, a whole series of horrendous coincidences kept me out of contact with my girlfriend for almost a week....Faulty internet, a disconnected land-line, lack of credit for my mobile...I received all of her messages, and was quite frantic in the meantime. She found it difficult to believe what had happened, but it was a genuine, and blameless thing....

    What am I saying? Well- 1. ) I'm sure something so significant to both of you isn't being ignored deliberately, or without good reason 2.) It's probably ridiculous to tell you not to worry...but... que sera, sera...good or bad, don't think about it too much until it does, that's my advice! (useless, aren't I!) And most importantly 3.) For your appointment, I wish you all the luck in the world, and will keep my fingers crossed for an all clear ...

    And hey, won't you look at that! This post is ten days old! Please let us all know how things turned out.....

  4. FallingLeaf

    FallingLeaf Member

    things ended in him tearing me apart, picking up every weakness and disorder I have, and twisting everything that happened and pushing it on me. Obliterating my self esteem (which barely existed in the first place) and triggering a relapse in my eating disorder.

    decided he wasn't quite worth the effort I put into him, honestly....