Once and for all

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by alwaysscared, Feb 21, 2008.

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  1. alwaysscared

    alwaysscared Active Member

    I've no idea why I'm typing this here. I'm not supposed to feel like this. But I know exactly what to take and how much and I just need to find a time to do it.

    The worst thing is that I don't even have a valid reason. I just want to die. I did have reasons at one point that maybe justified it to an extent, but now I'm just creating problems to make myself believe that I still want to do it.

    I feel bad because I have some wonderful people in my life who are trying to help me see the truth, but part of me just doesn't want to listen to them. I'm sorry. I'm not going to tell them when I take the stuff because I know they will find a way to stop me. And I don't want to be stopped.

    I KNOW the consequences of this. I know that death isn't going to achieve anything. I know that I'm going to hurt other people and especially those few wonderful brothers and sisters who I know actually care. I'm sorry. I just can't see other options here. I SHOULD be able to - I know everyone around me says that things aren't as bad as I'm making out. That's fine. I don't want sympathy. I don't want people to fuss and worry over me. I want to be left alone to die. I'm stupid telling people about wanting to die. OBVIOUSLY they are going to try to stop me. I mean how stupid can I get??

    My only worry is if I try this and it fails - the last attempt failed. But I just have to do it properly and not make the same mistakes as last time.

    Anyway, just want to say thanks to u all here - esp the mods for providing me a safe place to just vent and talk about things.

    I'm sorry. I don't even want to be talked out of this.

    Please everyone take care of yourselves xxxxx

  2. Deep Thought

    Deep Thought Well-Known Member

    PLEASE dont do it!!

    I know it must b hard but please b strong. u've got good friends. and them tryin 2 stop u is because they care about u! and tht is a good enough reason not 2 do it. and ur not stupid 4 tellin people, it shows tht u dont 100% want 2 do this. its just a case of finding out y tht part of doesn't want 2 do it and strengthening it; if its ur friends hang out with them, if its something else do tht. try going 4 a wlk 2 clear ur head 2 think, i like walkin with a friend (in silence, so i'm not lonely but can still think), or doin an exhausting physical exercise helps clear ur head (it also releases natural chemicals tht sooth u, like a little high).

    just please consider the FACT tht people do care about u.

    hang in there :hug:

  3. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    you may not want to go on and you may think you are better off gone but you, yourself realize that you have "wonderful people" in your life who would feel bad if you were gone so you should just try living for them.

    it seems like you are questioning a few things and until you have the answers, you shouldnt do anything.
  4. alwaysscared

    alwaysscared Active Member

    Thank you DT and Perry Mason.

    I can't write much more just now, im emotionally exhausted I think. But ur words are sooo appreciated. Thank you soooo much

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