One 2 Many Attempts but yet not enough

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by ckalex8508, Sep 24, 2008.

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  1. ckalex8508

    ckalex8508 Member

    I have attempted suicide 8 times in 9 1/2 years. But yet I don't feel that those 8 times were not enough. I just recently split from my husband, while I was in a mental health center, and when he left I knew he didn't have intent of coming back, but yet I didn't want to be alone, is this wrong of me to think these thoughts. I found out that he raped his 7 year old cousin and was charged with rape sodmoy and sexual abuse in the first degree. I still feel like I should punish him by letting him rot in jail, and yet I want to be dead because it hurts me more than its hurting him, So to many attempts is still not enough. Now I live with my mom again and its back to being depressed and feeling even more suicidial, for i have no meds she want buy them for me and she is not being very supportive like she told my social worker she was going to be. What should I do?:mad:
     
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Cindy and welcome to SF. :welcome: I think you should just let him rot in jail where he belongs. Hopefully, he will get gang raped in jail so he will know how his victims must have felt. Don't feel sorry for that sorry excuse for a human being. Try finding a nice guy who will love you and take care of you. Please don't try to kill yourself again. You need to live. :hug:
     
  3. ckalex8508

    ckalex8508 Member

    :mad: yea that is what i plan on doing, but i have a disorder that causes me to feel guilty even though it isn't my fault, and I being having more suicidial thought. I just wanna die because there was nothing i could do for that little girl i couldn't hold her and tell her how sorry i was for what he did, but i know how she feels because he would force me to be sexually active when i had no urge to be because of my meds he wasn't very suppoortive either. I should have known something was totally wrong with him and his family when I woke up one morning about a month after we were married in the ICU on life support. I have the thoughts that his family was trying to kill me because they didn't want me or him to be happy but maybe it was him because he let me go to sleep and when he came in and found me unresponsive he called 911 and didn't tell his family until they showed up, and when my family came to see me in the ICU his family insisted they had to come in also and they were pushing awful hard to have me committed, so i have guilty feelings for those he has hurt i can't help myself.:blink::mellow::sad::dry:
     
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