one kick in the teeth too many

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LionsLionsLions, Aug 21, 2007.

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  1. LionsLionsLions

    LionsLionsLions New Member

    hi, i'm 28 male. no qualifications, only one skill (the arts...), been working hard at something since i was 18, never really succeeded in it. history of depression, was on medication from 19 - 26.

    over night (a few weeks ago), my girlfriend of 10 years and sole creative partner has left after acting suspiciously for a month. refused all contact with me. taken with her, in all honesty, my ENTIRE life. the last person i ever, ever would've thought would cheat...let alone fuck me over and abandon me in this way.

    my prospects have overnight become very bleak. and, to be honest, i do feel like it's one massive kick in the teeth too many that life that sent my way.

    been thinking about suicide but i don't really fancy any methods that are available to me. also, more importantly, i'm close to my Mother and i know it would absolutely destroy her life. so i'm kind of trapped between desperately wanting a way out of the pain and yet not wanting to destroy my Mother's life. also i'm scared of going to hell.

    if guns were available where i live, i think, in all honesty, i would blow my fucking sorry brains out...but they aren't. i have boxes of anti depressents and have been thinking about hanging myself a lot. maybe combining the two.

    i just feel my options in life are grinding down and i'm in so much pain and anger at more or less everything in the world. and i have been for many years. this just feels like the final straw.

    i also want to make my soulmate pay, in a way that means she can never, ever truly move on or forget what she's done. cuz she'll have me hanging round her fucking neck as a reminder for the 10 years i dedicated to her and how she so coldly fucked me over.

    that's about it.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Been there hun and still wearing the t-shirt:dry:
    Like you my partner of 10 years just upped and walked without even a warning. I felt so annihilated I could hardly get a breath in my lungs.
    Well, I'm 8 months on from him going and can't believe it but still miss the fucking rat:mad: but the feeling of being hit in the face by a brick is at least easing off.

    pm me anytime you need a chat :hug:
  3. tired_baer

    tired_baer Member

    I wish you the best of luck. Life can sometimes make you wonder if the boot will ever be removed from your neck. Just about the time you relax and feel like things are settling down, it seems like something goes south.

    I can sympathize. I hope you can chill out a little bit and get some perspective. Maybe take a walk, and try thinking about the things you have instead of the things you don't.

    Hell I don't know, I certainly don't have all the answers. If I did I wouldn't have registered here today. For what it's worth you aren't alone. I sincerely hope things get better for you. Try your best to find a reason not to quit. It sounds like for you it's your mom. That's a good thing.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2007
  4. syntaxerror

    syntaxerror Antiquities Friend

    been there - am there kinda - different circustances in my case - but my ex left in January after 8 years married and 10 years together and 5 children (their care left 99.99% to me) after having me drop out of college twice - so I"m 32 and pretty much fucked - but another for what it's worth - you aren't alone and I hope things get better for you. I heard someone say once that the best revenge is a happy life without the person - that's what i"m hoping for. I'm so, so far from that (or I wouldn't be here) but that really would be the best revenge - would be to look bad in 10 years and say the 10 years without you were way better than the 10 years with you. Course I have no idea how to make that happen - but anyway try to hang on. I know I would be devestated as a mom if one of my kids killed themselves - so try and hang on for your mom. I'm hanging on for my kids - cause having their mom do herself in would really mess my kids up esp after their dad left.
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Well i can tell you i know how you feel so much..

    it was not a partner but was a couple who i thought the World of , and had the highest form of respect for yet they wanted me out of their life... They did not realize i guess that just being in my life helped me... it has been years and i dont know exactly what to tell you.. except maybe try and find something you love to do and try to do that more and maybe you can ease your mind upon the memory.. i know it will be hard but at least you can try.

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