one last attempt

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mendez, Nov 8, 2010.

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  1. Mendez

    Mendez Member

    when i am my worst thats when i usually get on line and search methods of ending me, and some how i found this place. i have plenty of attempts none have been successful as you can see still around. but all have been stopped or me asking for help with the last second of consciousness. but here i am again at it. dont feel right nor good. i have made plans for tonight of which of planning to going thru no one around knows or have a clue. been feeling useless and with my hands tied behind my back. as i see my children play around me i cannot get this feeling out of me. all i keep telling my self is that i will not ruin their life with my presence, they will suffer yes i am well aware but it will pass. they are young enough to forget me. as far as my wife she will move on marry again perhaps. but you see i will not be here to screw and torment them with me. if i could only try to explain what my eyes and body feels at times. i know i should be using meds and therapy. it has nothing to do about me admitting my illness i know i am depress and suicidal. it has been three years two months since my last attempt and tonight will define me. i am not asking for help i just had to say this to someone, cannot say anything to anybody close to me.


    god only knows what this night holds for me.

    thanks for your attention.


    jorge
     
  2. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    well i must say it seems you made up your mind, but im hoping you stick around and try to actually get help or talk here or something
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I hope you don't go through with it jorge......stay here and talk to us...
    we do understand your pain ..
    why is it you're not taking meds or having therapy can I ask?
     
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    why are you suicidal?

    why won't you get meds or therapy?
     
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    If you kill yourself, it would be very devastating for you children and your wife. You might even make it more likely that they would kill themselves as well.

    Please don't do this!

    I think that you should try to get help not only for your own sake but also for your family. There is a very good chance that you will feel much better if you get some treatment.

    Do you want to talk about why you are feeling suicidal?
     
  6. Mendez

    Mendez Member

    one of my kids is currently going to therapy. and i mostly take blame for it, not only i am part of her life she is currently going thru her teen years trying to find her self in life. i need to go away from them before is too late while there is a chance of life with out me..
     
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    No, no, I think that it is a huge mistake to think this way! I think that it is the complete opposite, that you need to live in order to make things better for them! I think that if you talked to a therapist about this, they would agree.

    Ok, so maybe you have done some bad things as a parent, but the fact that you care about your kids says a lot. There are all too many parents who don't really care about their kids.

    So if you really have done something wrong, the thing that would be much more helpful to your kids would be to get to a place where you can apologize, and then work on trying to fix the problems as much as possible.

    Please, please, please, try to get some therapy!
     
  8. Mendez

    Mendez Member

    the worst thing i have done to my children is being their father..
     
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    agree with may...don't leave your family..that will be worse for them than you can ever imagine...they will never get over the fact that you chose to leave them in this way..
    please go see your doctor and get some meds and a counselor to help you through this...
    At least give it a try..if you're going to kill yourself at least try the other options first..you have nothing to lose and everything to gain..please stay safe
     
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    why do you say that mendez?
     
  11. Mendez

    Mendez Member

    i am unable to provide my kids with the love they are owed to have. as the time goes have become a burden on my family. i cannot get rid of this cannot i try and try but this thing in me keeps a hold of me, it comforts me.
     
  12. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    please please please at least try going to therapy!

    can you do that, for yourself, for your family, try going to therapy?
     
  13. Mendez

    Mendez Member

    in heart i do want to go, beleive me i do. but i am way past the point where i want a change in my life.
     
  14. Mendez

    Mendez Member

    i had a good talk with my sister earlier, had to say something to somebody. somethings only so few can understand my sister is one of them. i told exactly how i feel inside. i probably scared her. but i had to say something.
     
  15. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    that's good you talked to her...
    Is she supportive? what were her suggestions..

    it's never too late for change as long as you are breathing there is hope...
    don't think your family will be better off without you ..they won't...
    they love you..that's what matters
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2010
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