one last shot.

NHello there people of SF. Just thought ied stop by and say what feels like my last shot. One last effert to say that I'm sure it could have been a life worth living. Full of prosperity, love, insperation and beautiful wounders. But I'm tired of trying. I have been beaten down lower than my lowest point. For months, maybe even years now as I look back on it all, I have never been truly happy, or even content with what I have done, and what I'm doing. Everything seems a smoky haze as to what was my exsistance. I just drifted along, not knowing what to do, not being shown how to do it. Not even offered a real healping hand along my way. Nor was I willing to look for one to. I was to shy?? To pridefull?? To scared?? Not sure why, just never did. But now I can't see myself climbing out of this hole. Its so deep even the devil told me to take a hike. I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Who I'm writing it to and what its about. Maybe its a confession, a last stand. I did call it a last shot. But whatever its for I guess I just wanna say it. I have no friends I can talk to. My only friend is my roomie and she has her thing. This is where I would say I have mine, but I don't. And one other person that's just a digital figure in my phone. I'm not saying I'm gonna go off and off myself. Right away or even at all. But it just don't feel like living anymore. Well I'm tired. Maybe ill write more later. But till then.............................

 

You keep writing o kay hun you keep getting the sadness out here. There are many people afflicted with depression doctors even it does not discriminate The only way to get out of that dark hole hun is to get help Medication does help Your regular doctor can prescribe that. Therapy lots people talk to psychologist to help them with everyday matters to keep them on straight path to help them achieve their goals there is no shame in trying to improve ones circumstance Stay here okay keep talking i know you feel alone but not anymore okay you will be heard here hugs

 

I know this is a place where I can go to rant on, but it don't help. I still feel empty inside. I still see no light. Go to a family doctor? If I had one. Go see a shrink, if I had the money. I'm not knocking you, or anything, I appreciate your help. Its just that I'm at the point where I don't do anything. To leave my room brings sadness and pain. To be happy for others, just tears me up. And every time I see a child I almost break down at the fact that I can't be the father I want to be. Its been months and I miss her to much to not go away. I'm to scared for my own good