One little Cut

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by mixedemotions, Sep 30, 2008.

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  1. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    Have had a pretty good day but sitting alone starring down at my thighs, my mood changed suddenly. Starring down at the scars

    The thoughts of succes slipped away out of my mind and cutting came creeping back in. Feelings of the past flooded my brain. Imagining the satsification I'd get of blood pouring from my skin.

    One cut would take the urge away. Just one small cut. It wouldn't hurt to much but having something to actually cry about makes the thoughts in my mind make sence. The pain is real and not just 'all in my head.'

    One tiny little deep cut, thats all it would take....

    I ask my self.....Should I??
     
  2. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    The urge is getting Stronger. My brain is telling me to just do it, but my heart is saying not to. I don't wanna be stuck like this forever.

    Cutting is not the answer......
     
  3. PeaceBlueFire

    PeaceBlueFire Well-Known Member

    Try not to cut...try reading or writing or something else you enjoy instead. Hang in there. Peace! :)
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please Janey, don't make that one little cut, because one cut can easily become two, three or more. Cutting solves nothing and leaves you with scars that won't go away. You have to love yourself, not cut yourself. I'm here for you if you need a friend. :hug:
     
  5. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    mixed,

    Im sorry your feeling like this, i really do understand and emphasise.

    But one cut with turn into more, then more scars, then more triggers. its the nature of the beast.

    You need to remember you dont deserve this, you are a success and you will beat this. If you ever need a friend, please PM me :hug:
     
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    hi hun

    please dont. text josh im sure he can cheer you up :smile:

    you know how to get hold of me if you need me xxxx
     
  7. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    dear Jane

    please dont cut sweetheart , those damn cuts they breed misery hunni , they dont solve the problems long term they make more , josh :wub: u hunni and lots of others care for too , including me and if u need me pm me and ill give u my number :hug:

    lots of love pls be safe dont hurt urself hunn :cry:

    Joanna xx (thats what u call me ) :tongue:
     
  8. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    I tried to stay strong for as long as I could, but my day has just got worse by the minute. I didn't cut, I was to afraid to start, incase I couldn't stop. I scratched a little. and bleed but it isn't to bad. it didn't take the urges away. I still need to have the satifaction of feeling the blood pour. I don't wanna cut.

    I'm staying strong, not just for me but for josh to.

    We need to stay strong for each other, I need him just as much as he needs me right now. Cutting is not the answer. I must stay strong.......
     
  9. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    Still having urges today, but i'm tryin to ignore them. Keepong my self busy by doing other things.

    I have been drawning alot and writing so much that my wrist aches, but i'll do any thing to prevent me from cutting.

    I went to college even though i didn't want to. I had to take my mind off things. I cried alot and had to explain to members of my class my situation.... it wasn't easy! Ithink it shocked them to know i suffered from depression. I hind it pretty well....

    I don't think i can cope with another two years of college, just to come out with another fail.

    Any way I'm waffling ( takin my mind off things) I'll sign off here. Maybe if I think about other things enough the urges will calm down... maybe stop :)
     
  10. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    sleep is good.... :)

    but then i still wake up with the same urges as before, stronger...
     
  11. Theory

    Theory Well-Known Member

    Mixed,
    It'll get worse if you start again! Don't do any SH if you can. Look you've been holding on for two days now, I dunno how long you've been able to before. So please, please don't do that little cut. It can look little been it can feel big and that's just not good for yourself. :hug: if you really need to talk. Pm me please. :smile:
     
  12. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    So its been 4 days and I'm still going strong.. I didn't do that first cut, no matter how hard it is, i'm determand not to! I wont let this F**king depression mess up my life any more than it already has....

    I wont cut.... I have promised my self that I wont... I cant, its not good, it wont really help..... and i know that, that one little cut will turn into some thing worse! I cant let that happen to me... not again


    I have recently been designing my self a new tattoo, to cover up some scars of my thighs, But i am scared if i end up ruining it later on in life, by cutting it to shit. But i really want it, just to prove to my self, how far I have came in last 10 months or so...


    I was lost back then and self harm was how I coped. I don't want to be like that again. I have some thing to life for now.....
     
  13. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    ^
    im so pleased to hear you say that.
    your strenght gives me hope that i can be as strong.
    Thank you :hug:

    keep fighting sweety.
     
  14. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy


    Thank you so much for this post. It is nice to know that i'm inspireing others in a way...

    I had a pretty good day today and I know for sure now that i'm not gonna cut :)
     
  15. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member


    :hug: mixed you are so inspiring! Keep going hun. We are behind you to support you every step of the way. :smile:
     
  16. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    I eventually started my work placement today, and i really really enjoyed it....

    I realised that what i am going through now is just a tiny problem tryin to get in the way of my life, and that i will be able to fight it. I realised that I will be able to get that dream job that i want, as long as I fight this depression, As long as I can fight these urges I will be fine.... I promise my self. I will. I can do this.

    I'd fighting for that job, the opportunities of a life time... the chance to change others lifes for the better.

    I'm gonna be the best god dam teacher around :p
     
  17. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm so proud of you Janey. I'm so glad to hear that you're going to be a teacher. I'm a high school teacher (substitute), and I just love it. :hug:
     
  18. Theory

    Theory Well-Known Member

    omg u really are getting through this !! wow im so proud of you I wanna follow in your footsteps hun!!! You're really like a heroe! :smile: :hug: thank you.
     
  19. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    Thanks Dave. I wanna go into primary education. There is so many things that i wanna help kids with. I want them to benefit from school, not just for the education but from the experince and the support I could offer.

    School was where i went to escape all the shit in my life as a kid. I want kids to enjoy it as much as i did (at that age). I didn't have a very good home life. and I remember self harming at a young age, I just wish teachers had spotted it on me, before it got to bad... they could of helped.

    I'm gonna be some one kids can come to :)
     
  20. Theory

    Theory Well-Known Member

    thats a great path to take Jane! :biggrin: I wish that i had a better life at school and at home... sucks to be bullied everyday when ur young... Good Luck Jane, think you can do it!! :hug: :smile:
     
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