One little thing happened today. I take the car to the local market an someone in a SUV takes the parking space. Why does that make me think that all of humanity deserves to die? Or is it the fact I cant dream of eating anything now. The only "food" that seems appropriate is 2 double cheeseburgers from MCdonalds so I can punish myself for feeling so hateful. I so desperately want to be functional in society. We cannot survive. What a tragedy to bring a child into this world. What a tragedy to give up on dreams. What makes me sad is that my dreams of fulfilment are slipping away. and is it really worth it? Don't take away my pain it is my protector. Friends do not understand. or they are unaware. I cannot keep putting myself out there only to face failure and rejection again and again. That the real people in this world reject me make me sad. I do not belong here. I do not belong under anyones thumb. I will move out to the woods and simply freeze to death. To excuse myself to the outskirts where people go to be unnoticed. I will go there not because i want to be unnoticed but because I want to be noticed but never am. I prefer to go somewhere where there is nobody to notice, so I will not feel like an outcast. In a society of outreach and support I do not fit into anyones model. I have no value in this society. I am as easily overlooked as a penny that is discarded on the sidewalk. As easily ignored as a prisoner, a waste of space, a know-nothing know-it-all. And yet I have no faith. No devotion and no belief in humankind to do good in this world. We came, we saw we could not conquer nature. Now something ought to put us away before we do more harm..