One minute I'll be fine, the next...

One minute I'll be fine, the next, i'm planning again. I feel disconnected from myself, as if I have no control over what my mind and body choose to do. I feel evil and impure and far away. I don't know what else to do, besides start a thread about it.

 

Lotte, I am glad you wrote down how you are feeling. I know you are not the only person who feels like this. But you described it very well. I know you are not "evil or impure". But I can understand why you are saying you feel this way. And i sure do believe you when you say you feel far away. I think that dissociation / feeling far away, can be very hard to deal with. As someone once said to me, "finding a way to ground will mean the difference between heaven or hell on earth". I think he was right. Although I have yet to find the way to be grounded in my body. Try to take good care of you. Because you are worth it !!

 

I can relate to what you're saying. One minute I'm content and comfortable and happy, and the next minute I'm feeling hopeless and obsessed with my own death.

The good thing in what you said is that you do have those moments where you're "fine." Focus on those moments.

I feel a little hypocritical since I really struggle with the same thing, but I try to find the things in life that distract me and take me away from the negative thoughts and impulses. If I feel those thoughts coming on, I try to do one of a number of things...

- Call up a friend or relative that will go do something with me like go to the movies or play disc golf or just grab some food.
- Play a video game or watch a movie and try to get really into it, not letting my thoughts wander off.
- Work out or do yard work.

I've found the worst thing I can do is shut myself in (which, unfortunately I often do in that situation), but I think isolating myself always draws me further into feeling distant from myself. Doing something active or interacting with something or someone is a good way to "bring me back."

Thanks for sharing, by the way! I know it's hard to talk about these things, but I think it's so brave when people do.

- J

 

Thank you for your replies and advice. I appreciate your caring very much.

 

I wish there was better answer that I had. I have heard different remedies for grounding. But I think that learning to better ground / dissociate less, is a journey. Maybe set intentions on learning it. Sometimes setting intentions and reaffirming the intentions can help a lot. I dissociate a lot less than I used to. :hug: