one minute is too long

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by chrism67, Feb 11, 2012.

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  1. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    All I think about is dying. Mydeath has been planned for over two years. I just needed the when. I recently started cutting again after years of quitting. I cutt several times a day and most times thats not even enough. I have trouble stopping once i start. I just keep going, deeper and deeper. I just cant stop. Ive been in therapy for years and you see how good its done. ive also been on numerous meds. its just useless. I dont see no hope for me. I dont want to bother anyone anymore. my therapist told me to call him if I need to but all hes going to do is admit me. which ive been in for countless admissions. look how good they did. i just cant do this anymore. i spent the whole day trying to stay busy. but my mind just kept right on going. planning, scheming. I cant take one more day.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Im sorry hun your mind keep going back to that one thing suicidal ideation sucks it really does I know you said you are on meds but maybe a newer one would work better to decrease the thoughts You talk here okay get all those thought out here ou t of your mind so they don't bother you . It is just a thought hun no more don't give it any value okay Keep talking to us we will helpyou stay busy hugs
     
  3. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    I dont know what else to do. At this point i want to just get it over with. I know im not strong enough to do this on a daily basis. I just want it over. I cant take this anymore. I cut this morning. Lets just say it wasnt pretty.i m on overload. Wayover my head. I cant do this. Just cant do it anymore. My mind is constantly sUicidal. Its always going.i want to to cut and keep cutting. I dont know how to get through this. Im done.
     
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    The very fact you're posting this on this site - means there's some part of you that does want to be helped.

    My advise would be to look at it objectively. How would you advise someone who's doing the same things? - what would you say to them to help them prolong their time on here?

    You have survived this far even doing all what you have. Maybe you're a born survivor and don't realise it - a slightly positive look at it can occasionally help too. Nothing is impossible if you have any ounce of a desire to overcome your obstacles.
     
  5. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    Ive had enough. Whitney was lucky. Shes better now. Thats what i want. I cant take this pain anymore. All i feel all day is pain hopeless andd helpless. I feel like a failure. Im scared. Ive had a plan for a while butim starting to get more courage. My cuts are getting deeper. And more frequent. Aat least i wont bw bothering anyone anymore. I just cant do this anymore.im in so much pain. Nothing works. I only have.one choice.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No Whitney was not lucky hun she will miss seeing her daughter grow up get married have children and what about the suffering her daughter is not enduring having to hospitalized herself for the pain she is feeling the loss she has to endure forever. You are in pain you are sad and you can get the support the help you need hun go to hospital and get help okay don't fight this on your own hugs
     
  7. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    Kids are resiliant. I was a teenager when i lost my mom and in my twentys for when my father died. Ive been on my own since twenty one. Im now in my fortys. Kids will keep going. They are always mad at me anyway. everyday im tortured. I cant live like this. Everytime i cut i have a fight with myself. I cut several times a day. Its just too hard to do this. I cant go on like this.
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sorry i have to disagree kids are not reliliant look at the suffering you have had all your life that is what you want for your children. I too lost so much when i was young and yes we are still here but this is not living you know that you know it will destroy their lives they will live on in hell like we did
     
  9. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    Alright then call me selfish, looser, and foolish. Just a few more names to add to my list. What does it matter at this point. Im usually wrong anyway. I just cant do this. Everything is too much. I just want to curl up and not wake up.
     
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you are none of the above as i said you are in pain you are sad and in need of some profession help and support okay please go to hospital and get the care you need and deserve Do that for YOU okay hugs
     
  11. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    I know i should go to the hospital or at least call my dr. But if i do get admitted mykids would go into foster care. And if i ever lost mu kids id kill muself in the hospital before i even got out. I could never live with myself. So im caught in a real bind. I dont know what to do.
     
  12. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    My case worker just came over. She told me its as easy as changing the channel. Dont u think if it was that easy i would have done it. Nobody seems to understand. My thoughts are dark- they think about cutting and dying all day and night. Its not that i dont want to change it. Its impossible. I feel like its like holding back a flood. I havent found anyone that understands. Especially that i cut so often. I should just give up trying. I feel Like its inevitable.
     
  13. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    I just had a visit with my therapist and couldnt tell him how bad it really is. He would put me in the hospital. So i had to play it down. But,i am in bad shape. I want thepain to stop. I only know one way for that to happen. Ive planned it for two years. But too chicken to use it. I cant take this pain anymore. !!!!!Help!!!!!!
     
  14. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    Nobody knows where my head is. I cant tell anyone. Its a very lonely place to be. i just want the pain to stop. However i have to do it
     
  15. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    Re: one minute is too long im done

    Ive had enough. Just existing is even too hard. I can.t deal with it. Im done.
     
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: one minute is too long im done

    Hi Chris, welcome to the forums. It's nice to meet you, I'm Lynn. I think you should start helping yourself by taking baby steps. Call up your doc, tell her/him you're feeling somewhat down and could use some help but don't know how to get it. They should set you in the right direction, they won't hospitalise you if you're not in immediate danger of harming yourself or someone else.
     
  17. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    Actually i feel horrible. I dont care what happens to me. I cant stop cutting deeper and deeper. I call my doc like suggested to talk to him and he never calledme back. i guess i see how important i am. I even told them i wasnt doing good and couldnt wait til next week when my appt is. I dont know where else to turn.
     
  18. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    I just dont want to live anymore. All feelings hurt too much. I just cant deal with them anymore. It feels like everything is magnified. Living is just too much.
     
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