I am triggered as heck... trying to remind myself that I have been here before and pulled things off.. I have my algebra final tomorrow... ii am in a good position to get the grade I want in the class. Still... as I study I find the old thoughts crossing my mind... Why wait for death when you know you are going to fail? I should not think this way because it is not necessarily true... there is a chance I pull things off. Even if I do pass I am no closer to a career This unfortunately is true. Go do something expensive to destress I will not manage my money like a suicidal person. Despite all of this... I am scared as hell right now... I hate tests, I hate failure... I wish I did not feel this way and part of me still thinks I shouldn't... but dang.