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One more silly thread

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MoAnamCara, Apr 4, 2011.

  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm frustrated.

    With myself, the situation, what I am doing, what I have done, what I am living through.

    Its no ones fault, simply my own. No one can share blame. I take full responsibility.

    This one person who has believed in me doesn't deserve what I am doing.

    Its not fair to them, how I could I do this? How could I think this way?

    For someone who has given me their life, to think about leaving the earth as they are dying?

    For someone who has trusted me, this is how I return that trust?

    Its disgusting, I am disgusting.

    I don't want to feel the pain from my past anymore.

    I don't want to feel the physical reactions to those thoughts.

    I don't want to relive those times over and over.

    I don't want to feel such disgust at things I was part of.

    I don't want to feel so insignificant.

    I don't want to have to watch you die.

    I don't want to see your pain.

    I don't want you to know Im not sure I can handle all of this.

    I don't want you to know how scared I really am.

    I don't want you to know how bad a person I really am.

    I don't want to hurt you.

    I don't want to be here without you.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you need someone to talk to.
    A counsellor or therapist could help with putting the past in the past and help you deal with what's going on right now.
    Go see your doc and ask for a referral.
     
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you Terry - I am in therapy.
     
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    And today I'm angry, mostly sad but angry also.

    Letting myself be used & abused.

    Bullshit.