I'm frustrated.
With myself, the situation, what I am doing, what I have done, what I am living through.
Its no ones fault, simply my own. No one can share blame. I take full responsibility.
This one person who has believed in me doesn't deserve what I am doing.
Its not fair to them, how I could I do this? How could I think this way?
For someone who has given me their life, to think about leaving the earth as they are dying?
For someone who has trusted me, this is how I return that trust?
Its disgusting, I am disgusting.
I don't want to feel the pain from my past anymore.
I don't want to feel the physical reactions to those thoughts.
I don't want to relive those times over and over.
I don't want to feel such disgust at things I was part of.
I don't want to feel so insignificant.
I don't want to have to watch you die.
I don't want to see your pain.
I don't want you to know Im not sure I can handle all of this.
I don't want you to know how scared I really am.
I don't want you to know how bad a person I really am.
I don't want to hurt you.
I don't want to be here without you.
With myself, the situation, what I am doing, what I have done, what I am living through.
Its no ones fault, simply my own. No one can share blame. I take full responsibility.
This one person who has believed in me doesn't deserve what I am doing.
Its not fair to them, how I could I do this? How could I think this way?
For someone who has given me their life, to think about leaving the earth as they are dying?
For someone who has trusted me, this is how I return that trust?
Its disgusting, I am disgusting.
I don't want to feel the pain from my past anymore.
I don't want to feel the physical reactions to those thoughts.
I don't want to relive those times over and over.
I don't want to feel such disgust at things I was part of.
I don't want to feel so insignificant.
I don't want to have to watch you die.
I don't want to see your pain.
I don't want you to know Im not sure I can handle all of this.
I don't want you to know how scared I really am.
I don't want you to know how bad a person I really am.
I don't want to hurt you.
I don't want to be here without you.