One of my issue causing me to be suicidal.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WannaEndit01, Sep 15, 2016.

  1. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    So, I was chatting with Bob and starting explaining how I constantly look backwards and avoid thinking about the future. And focus on the truly negative elements of my life -- of which there are several.

    I have several things that cause my depression and suicidal thoughts at the moment. But I decided to focus on one of the main ones while talking to bob. Bob had to go.

    Then I realized most people don't understand or want to talk about it with me. So I decided to start this thread explaining one of my main issues for not thinking about the future. And see if any one would be interested in talking about it with me in this thread.

    First the problem. Not enough money to retire and 56 years old.

    Second the issue: I have a product that I've been working on for over 20 years. Last year we moved it to medical images, were it was it did not make enough money and no one wanted to buy it. It was not the product's fault, more the industry. It was to small a market and no one cared about the problem we solved. I'll leave it at that.

    What's interesting is during writing this I just had a major depressive plunge. Totally overwhelmed with negative thoughts, they're true, but why focus on them. Nothing can be done about them. But that's what depression is all about is-it-not. It grabs a hold and you and you focus on the negative and can't let go. And it get so negative death becomes the only solution. It tears up your gut. Just reading this paragraph rings my gut in a negative way.

    So, in this paragraph I am going to try to pull out of the plunge by continuing on with my story. It's really quite hard to pull out of the depressive plunge. Here goes.

    So we moved the product to medical imaging -- Finding cancer in mammograms and ultrasound, etc. It works to some extent. Along the way we learned we need a much larger data set to figure out if it works or not. And that would require $$$$$. We also had some negative results caused by what I call "dirty data." that kind of triggered this depression. And one of the markets we were targeting turned out to be worthless.
    Also, though I stopped taking my prozac 2 months earlier because things appeared to be going well.

    Dirty data, is data that's old and not very clear as well as size proportional to what it's displaying. i.e. A 1/2 cyst shows up relative to the image as being 2 inches wide.

    So now we need money to find out if the product will work on large data sets and take it to market. On the positive side because of the nature of the technology FDA Clearance, at the moment, is not required.

    So we've put together a business plan. Which causes two major fears, hence one of the major reasons I avoid the future.

    1. No one will fund it. Hence I am stuck where I am.
    2. We do get the funding and the product fails.

    So that's it. By the way the depressive plunge is still here.

    Questions comments? I'd love to get them.