One of those days...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ailsa-Jayne, May 23, 2012.

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  1. Ailsa-Jayne

    Ailsa-Jayne Member

    Today is one of those days when you just wanna get the biggest knife you can find and plunge it straight into your throat, well I do anyway.
     
  2. clairedelune

    clairedelune Well-Known Member

    No! It's not fair. Think of all the people you'd leave behind.
     
  3. Ailsa-Jayne

    Ailsa-Jayne Member

    You don't know me, there is no one, not one person in my life I wouldn't be leaving anyone behind.
     
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    What about yourself? Fight to the last breathe... always.
     
  5. Ailsa-Jayne

    Ailsa-Jayne Member

    Every breath I take is a pain to me, it feels laborious and I don't want to take it. I find it a shame that we are unable to make a concious decision to cease breathing.
     
  6. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I don't know you either. But that's just it - none of us knows everybody. You could still meet somebody who does care about you. A lot of us are lonely and feel as you do. What are we to do if everybody who feels like we do starts killing themselves? Kill ourselves as well? Why, when there are so many people going through the very same pain? Doesn't it make more sense for us to care about each other, to talk to each other and try to help each other? Why let "the world" that is so full of people who don't care, win by removing ourselves from it? There has to be a better way. We only get this one life. We are all born into this world naked, cold and alone. Our only hope is to find meaning and meaningful relationships with others who care about us. You took the first step by finding this forum; why else would you be here if not to find somebody else who cares and feels as you do? I came here because I was desperate, because I had completely run out of hope and I wanted somebody else to give me a reason to survive. I didn't truly want to die, none of us do, or else we wouldn't be here. We're here because we desperately want somebody to care about us and we want to know what it's like to feel happy and loved. We want somebody to give us any excuse to NOT kill ourselves, because we've run out of excuses for ourselves. There are people out there who could care about you, if you just give us a chance. Believe me, I constantly wonder whether I'd be better off dead and whether or not anybody would care. Maybe I would be and maybe they wouldn't. But I have to hold onto the hope that there is something or somebody out there that is worth living for. There are so many people here who feel the same way, so I know I'm not alone. That in itself gives me hope, knowing that there are other people who can relate to how I'm feeling. We are not alone, even when we think we are.
     
  7. Ailsa-Jayne

    Ailsa-Jayne Member

    I don't want to be alone and lonely and feel like I'm not good enough or not wanted any more, I'm desperate for someone to love and to be loved in return whether that person be a friend and partner or just a lover. I try. I'm a kind person, I'm polite, I smile, I open myself up to people and I get nothing in return. I constantly take the step to try and build relationships with people and no one is interested. I can't handle the rejection. I have no one in my life its just me and I don't like me unfortunately. I just feel like society doesn't want me around and I don't want to be around. It's to hard to be on my own. I'm lonely.
     
  8. ?I?

    ?I? Well-Known Member

    I try to be the good and nice person, I want myself to be seen, to be liked...But still I'm alone, like the world does not want me anymore and nobody do care about me.
    I'm having the same problem as you. You are not alone.
    And, a lot people here are sharing the same problem with you. That's what bring us all here and meet each other in this forum.You are not alone :)
     
  9. Ailsa-Jayne

    Ailsa-Jayne Member

    But I am alone. I can sit on a laptop and post about my woes and people can come back with their opinions and responses but there isn't actually anyone physically in my life. I honestly feel like whoring myself out sometimes just to feel something. I'm disgusting.
     
  10. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    I'm the same way I'm nice to everyone and always smile and stuff but people always treat me like crap. I know for a fact that if I met you I wouldn't treat you like crap I would respect and be very nice. So it would be up to you whether you would want to treat me bad. What I'm getting at is there are a lot of people just like you but you haven't found them just like I haven't found many of them. Nice people are rare but there out there I'm one of them the key is when you find them don't treat them like how you were treated.
     
  11. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    I'm exactly the same I want to buy a ***** to at least feel something and I won't be a virgin. However we have more pride then that someday something good might happen and you might be glad you didn't do that. Well thats what stops me from doing it.
     
  12. Kent

    Kent Member

    Hello, Ailsa-Jayne! Today I also realized how much I'm lonely. I do not need anyone. But most importantly, I do not want myself. Now I think about how best to go. I know that sooner or later go away, it's only a matter of time. I wish you to have you all been good. For you to find someone who will help solve your problems.
     
  13. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Ailsa, I don't think you're disgusting. Like sadguy said, we all want somebody special, or just somebody period... I thought that I would be happy if I just had somebody, even if it was empty and meaningless. I was wrong. 5 years into a loveless marriage and I find myself even more lonely than I was when I was alone. True, sometimes you get to that desperate point where you just need physical contact with somebody to feel alive again. I completely understand that, believe me. I understand that all too well, unfortunately. But like sadguy also said, there are nice and genuine people out there who can make you feel alive without making you feel ashamed of what you've done after the fact. Even if you did do something out of desperation, I wouldn't judge you for it. I think most of us have done something in our lives that we're not proud of to make ourselves feel better in the moment.
     
  14. Ailsa-Jayne

    Ailsa-Jayne Member

    Even the small things are becoming huge struggles for me I just want somebody to care about me to be there like I have always been for other people, I have always given my whole self and gotten zilch in return, I'm losing it big time at the moment and I have no one to just give me a cuddle. I really am losing it.
     
  15. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni


    What about pets? I know this sounds trivial, but I take a lot of pleasure out of my pets (I have 14 of them! <---- not recommending, one should be fine). Dogs can be a great pal, they seem only to want to please their masters. Cats are less eager to put on a performance for love, but they enjoy a good cuddle and they will care back if you care about them. One of my best pals is a parrot. He even talks to me.

    Pets cannot replace human companionship, but they can help also provide friendship and a reason to care and receive love back.
     
  16. Ailsa-Jayne

    Ailsa-Jayne Member

    I have two border collies they are beauts but they're not going to stop me wanting to slit my throat.
     
  17. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Ailsa, I do truly hope that you find somebody who will give you what you need. I understand how you're feeling and I know that words alone are probably not going to soothe that pain and frustration. But don't ever make the mistake of assuming that people don't care, because some of us do. I care because I know what it's like to feel that isolation and loneliness, the desperation for somebody to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay. I know how horrible it feels to not have anybody. And you don't deserve to feel that way. Nobody does. The sad part is that there is probably somebody else in your area who feels exactly the same as you, and they are looking for somebody like you. I wish that you two could find each other and make each other feel whole. We all want to love and to be loved, and you deserve to have that. We all do. I hope that you can find it before it is too late.
     
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