one of those sad little stories about a girl

[adesu]

i don't feel like there's ever anything new.
my parents used to hit me and my siblings, and once we reported it, they didn't touch us anymore, but they still yell. a lot. if you could think of an awful name, i've probably been called it. i've been the fat kid, the stupid kid...
in fact, people meow at me and harass me because it makes me feel comfortable and secure to wear kitty cat ears and a tail...
they always find some reason to say something awful to me. i haven't dressed like a cat in ages because i'm afraid of what they'll say. i don't really have anyone around me that i can trust. my sister no longer lives near me, and people are constantly pulling away from me. i keep getting sick and i don't know why. its just....too much... i'm falling behind in school, i don't have anyone around me to talk to, and it hurts to do most things...
i'm just losing the point of being here.
i actually did tell someone, but they gave me the same excuse i usually hear when people talk about suicide....
'people do care about you'... really? why don't they show it?
'suicide is the easy way out'... i'd probably take easy over anything. i was never one for the hard path...
or even 'aren't you christian? you know you'll burn in hell for that'
and i think, so what? i fornicated with someone i thought loved me and i even had to sneak and pay my way for my own abortion because he didn't want me and i was too young to have a child. i'm already going to burn in hell for killing that child.
there's nothing left for me here... i've gone over all of it. no one talks to me, no one really supports me... some of my teachers even make fun of me....
i'm just so tired.
i don't want to have to do this anymore
there's no point

 

[Ushee]

Please don't ever completely give up hope. There's a wonderful community of people here who will support you and care about you.

I know these feelings are difficult to deal with, I'm honestly ex[eriencing some of them right now as well.

 

[total eclipse]

You should report the teachers to who ever runs the school they should not be teaching anyone if they are making fun of you I am sorry you feel so alone
You can talk here anytime okay no one will make fun of you here or judge you
Pm me anytime you want to talk hugs to you

 

[Nick_K]

I know what it is like to be a little different when it comes to fashion sense. In the end you have to make a choice. The neko look is what makes you feel good but it also leads to negative social interactions. You can't have one without the other. Is there possibly another style that you are okay with and doesn't make your peers as uncomfortable? Sounds like you are in high school. If that's the case then please be patient. Life is a heck of a lot better after high school, especially for people who don't go in for all the social status jockeying that goes on there. It's a game and if you play by the rules you get rewarded, but this does mean not being genuine. This pretty much looks like being superficial until you learn that the superficial crowd has their own demons to battle too. As for the teachers, at least some teachers side with the popular kids in tormenting the not so popular kids solely to keep order in the classroom. If s/he lose political control in the game then the bullies and popular kids will work against the teacher making his/her job a living hell. Meanwhile the teacher is making a crap salary just wanting to get through the day, so the incentive is to do whatever it takes to keep the situation under control. Half of my family is in education so I have seen it from their side & they know it is not fair, but it still happens.

Secondly, if heaven is only populated with goodie two shoes who never got their hands dirty, then who wants to hang out with them anyway? Religion should help you work on what you can do to become a better person, not drag you down in guilt over things that have already happened and therefore cannot be changed. Especially Christianity with all that forgiveness and mercy talk. You don't have to take crap from people who try to judge you not knowing what you've been through.

To your question of whether there is a point - what does that even mean? If you are Christian then the point of life is to love the Lord and keep His commandments. Notice the lack of having to explain yourself to self righteous bigots. Anyway, what's the point of living a good Christian life - to be saved so you can go to Heaven. Now what's the point of Heaven? It's supposed to be considerably more comfy than the alternative. OK so what's the point of being comfortable? Nothing, but it's nice. This thought experiment hopefully illustrates that something doesn't have to have a point to be worthwhile. What's the point of Beethoven's fifth symphony, the Mona Lisa, or Romeo & Juliet? Maybe life is something like that. I don't know, I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

Sorry for the novel but my feathers get ruffled when church people use their so called authority to put people down. That's not what Jesus was about, IIRC.

PS - You are obviously thoughtful and that counts for a lot in terms of making friends. The fact that people are pulling away probably means they don't have enough in common with you. I hope that you can find people you do fit with, because it is a cool experience to finally find those people.