its going to be one of those weeks. Yesterday I spent the whole day feeling empty.. and nothing changed that.. I finally managed to call it quits on the day and just go to sleep after feeling like I had been awake for days on end I no doubt probably had been at 7pm. I thought dream world would be a nice escape from reality apart from having a dream which when you finally wake up from makes the void feel even worse... so today I feel worse than yesterday with the added effect that I've woken up freezing cold and I have no incentive to actually get up and put the heating on or even make a hot drink.. today I just want to stay wrapped up in my blanket on my sofa and forget the world and myself even exists. I hate this time of year.. I love the weather and the silence normally.. its that god awful run up to Christmas.. now I'm not a scrooge I love seeing my young nieces faces when the Christmas decorations are up. but already everywhere is going insane I tried my best to venture out yesterday just to town I needed some out time instead I was left feeling even worse than if I had just stayed home everywhere I went everyone was just a blur of faces and honestly it make my anxiety levels peak through the roof I couldn't seem to regain control everyone's voices seemed really loud and booming I felt completely out of control I felt like my ears were ringing and everything was spinning around me its that kind of moment when you know if you don't get away your going to pass out I could feel my breath starting to catch and heart felt like it was pulsing through my rib cage.. even thinking back to it my heart is hammering away.