One Person's Hell Another Person's Paradise ? The End.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CursedSoul, Jan 28, 2007.

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  1. CursedSoul

    CursedSoul Active Member

    I got together with a girl I have known for many many years. She is 3 years older than me, I am currently 15. Turns out she had more problems than I thought. SHe was very maniupulative, crazy etc. I was always afraid that she would hurt herself. She often said that she couldn't live without me, that I was her reason for living. Giving me ALOT of pressure. I quickly fell into heavy depression which led to cutting. Things didn't go any better when her ex said he would hurt her and kill me. At that point was scared, depressed and very suicidal. The relationship was going bad, she took more and more control everyday and I soon felt dead inside.

    It got so bad that I got very ill for a week. One night I heard knocking on my window. I knew it was her and I suddenly wanted to cut deeper than before. I realized then that she was a reason I cut myself and felt like killing myself. The whole night I was up cutting and Crying, I wanted it all to end. I had hit rock bottom. I couldn't care less about myself anymore I wanted to die. The next night she knocked on my window again at midnight. I couldn't take it anymore. I could hear her Crying on the outside... banging her head on my door. Send me text messages with things like. "let me in, or else I am going to kill myself"

    "help me, I can't live without you". I opened up, she was different than before. Crying, and in a way trying to make me feel guilty and that everything was my fault which she succeeded with. After 2 hours she left, and I resumed to cutting deeper than before, and when watching my blood dripping down I .. I just couldn't take another day of this. The following day I spoke with my mom about my depression, not mentioning cutting, suicide etc. But I said that she needed to tlak with my GF. So she did that night. THe agreed to go to the doctor and stuff. Well, the following days I was very depressed I felt like everythign was coming down. The constant text messages she sent made me Cry, cut and got me very frustrated and very suicidal. Suddenly she stopped one day. She had found someone new,

    and she had spent the whole weekend at his place. It completely broke me, I got even worse than before. Hearing that she Loves him, and sleeping over usually means sex. It got me very down. I wanted to just kill myself, I almost did. I swear, I was so close. Then I saw her the following day. All happy, ignoring me. My world fell together and yeah... Cutting once again more and more.

    Tonight, I just needed to talk with someone, I chose you for some reason... I don't know, to pass time maybe. I am considering suicide tonight... I am so tired to everything and I just want it all to end...
     
  2. Cheryl

    Cheryl Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you are in so much pain right now. I know it hurts like hell. You opened your heart to someone, you were vulnerable and it feels like you are the only one who really got hurt. But Listen very carefully...

    YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS... the intensity of the pain you feel right now WILL NOT last forever. Please, please do not hurt yourself tonight. It sounds like you have a mom who is very supportive. Please let her in...you can make it through this dark night. But, you need to ask for help. Please let your mom in. It would destroy her if you hurt yourself any more than you have.

    This girl, you describe as manipulative and crazy is NOT WORTH you losing your life over. She's not worth it! Please, don't give her that much attention. Please, don't give her that kind of power!

    Please, let your mom in and ask for help. I care about you and want you to know that you've only just begun. You got a bad deal out of this relationship. And, I'm sorry. But, please don't hurt yourself or your family by giving this girl the power to destroy your life. You have so much to live for....but its in front of you. You have to move forward. But, you need help to move forward. Please, PM me if you want to talk. I'm here for you...
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad you found us and chose to post what has happened. Getting out of this relationship may be the most important thing you have ever done. It sounds as if she was very unhealthy for you. I hope you are now able to begin to think with a clear mind and find your way back to a better life for yourself. Please take care and know that we are always here to listen. :hug:
     
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you have been through so much hun. But it's great you felt you couldf post it, when you think about that stuff and feel the way you do, post it, or even write it down, get it out. I am also glad you found SF, I hope it benifits you. If you'd ever like to talk I would be more than happy to talk with you. :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  5. Hunneh, I know how that feels. I was with someone who made me feel like i was the worst person in the world. He'd blame me for all his problems and he'd even threaten me. At that stage i couldn't bare to be without him so i let it go. I let him blame me and ignore me until i snapped, i took up cutting. It got so bad that i did nothing but sit in my bathroom, cutting and crying every time things got tough. I know how horrible that feels. But when he told me that he could do better than me i sunk even lower. I tried stepping out in front of a truck. Didn't really work. But hunneh you need to stick through this... If you need someone to talk to, either on msn or here feel free to post me. I don't want someone to make the mistakes i did.
     
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