I got together with a girl I have known for many many years. She is 3 years older than me, I am currently 15. Turns out she had more problems than I thought. SHe was very maniupulative, crazy etc. I was always afraid that she would hurt herself. She often said that she couldn't live without me, that I was her reason for living. Giving me ALOT of pressure. I quickly fell into heavy depression which led to cutting. Things didn't go any better when her ex said he would hurt her and kill me. At that point was scared, depressed and very suicidal. The relationship was going bad, she took more and more control everyday and I soon felt dead inside.
It got so bad that I got very ill for a week. One night I heard knocking on my window. I knew it was her and I suddenly wanted to cut deeper than before. I realized then that she was a reason I cut myself and felt like killing myself. The whole night I was up cutting and Crying, I wanted it all to end. I had hit rock bottom. I couldn't care less about myself anymore I wanted to die. The next night she knocked on my window again at midnight. I couldn't take it anymore. I could hear her Crying on the outside... banging her head on my door. Send me text messages with things like. "let me in, or else I am going to kill myself"
"help me, I can't live without you". I opened up, she was different than before. Crying, and in a way trying to make me feel guilty and that everything was my fault which she succeeded with. After 2 hours she left, and I resumed to cutting deeper than before, and when watching my blood dripping down I .. I just couldn't take another day of this. The following day I spoke with my mom about my depression, not mentioning cutting, suicide etc. But I said that she needed to tlak with my GF. So she did that night. THe agreed to go to the doctor and stuff. Well, the following days I was very depressed I felt like everythign was coming down. The constant text messages she sent made me Cry, cut and got me very frustrated and very suicidal. Suddenly she stopped one day. She had found someone new,
and she had spent the whole weekend at his place. It completely broke me, I got even worse than before. Hearing that she Loves him, and sleeping over usually means sex. It got me very down. I wanted to just kill myself, I almost did. I swear, I was so close. Then I saw her the following day. All happy, ignoring me. My world fell together and yeah... Cutting once again more and more.
Tonight, I just needed to talk with someone, I chose you for some reason... I don't know, to pass time maybe. I am considering suicide tonight... I am so tired to everything and I just want it all to end...
It got so bad that I got very ill for a week. One night I heard knocking on my window. I knew it was her and I suddenly wanted to cut deeper than before. I realized then that she was a reason I cut myself and felt like killing myself. The whole night I was up cutting and Crying, I wanted it all to end. I had hit rock bottom. I couldn't care less about myself anymore I wanted to die. The next night she knocked on my window again at midnight. I couldn't take it anymore. I could hear her Crying on the outside... banging her head on my door. Send me text messages with things like. "let me in, or else I am going to kill myself"
"help me, I can't live without you". I opened up, she was different than before. Crying, and in a way trying to make me feel guilty and that everything was my fault which she succeeded with. After 2 hours she left, and I resumed to cutting deeper than before, and when watching my blood dripping down I .. I just couldn't take another day of this. The following day I spoke with my mom about my depression, not mentioning cutting, suicide etc. But I said that she needed to tlak with my GF. So she did that night. THe agreed to go to the doctor and stuff. Well, the following days I was very depressed I felt like everythign was coming down. The constant text messages she sent made me Cry, cut and got me very frustrated and very suicidal. Suddenly she stopped one day. She had found someone new,
and she had spent the whole weekend at his place. It completely broke me, I got even worse than before. Hearing that she Loves him, and sleeping over usually means sex. It got me very down. I wanted to just kill myself, I almost did. I swear, I was so close. Then I saw her the following day. All happy, ignoring me. My world fell together and yeah... Cutting once again more and more.
Tonight, I just needed to talk with someone, I chose you for some reason... I don't know, to pass time maybe. I am considering suicide tonight... I am so tired to everything and I just want it all to end...
