One Question I Can't Answer...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by no_way_out1983, Aug 3, 2016.

  1. Hello, first actual post.

    I'm stuck at a crossroads here where I've essentially given up on continuing my life and have accepted the fact that this is essentially an inevitable consequence of my failed cognitive processes and/or abnormal development somewhere in the past. The reasons behind these issues are myriad, but they all seem to lead to supporting a base rationalization of the fact that my value as a person is negligible. I am stuck now with the will to end my life but lacking enough personal fortitude to be able to proceed with the act - still more evidence of a pathetic specimen.

    I am under the care of a psychiatrist for medication management who I can easily manipulate and basically run circles around. I don't discuss these feelings with him or any other medical "professional" knowing first hand what kind of "help" you can end up with after all is said and done. Acknowledging I likely have to discuss it at some time if I can't manage to muster the courage to do it, I struggle with one question: Is seeking help for this problem not the same as diminishing its actual significance? I ruminate on this quite a bit - I feel that I can't bring it up because I diminish my own credibility by seeking help when someone more committed would not have done so. I am forced to effectively say that it's all a "cry for attention" or some other dismissive and demeaning nonsense. My intent is very real, but hampered by circumstances that may be possible to overcome at some point, and maybe not. I don't really know
     
  2. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Taking your own life is no easy task and should never be approached as such. To stop and ponder all your reasoning is not cowardly nor does it diminish your credibility, if credibility is what you seek by confessing your intent to commit suicide. I can think of better ways, but hey ho.

    Thoughts of suicide, attempts at suicide should never be seen, by anyone as a "cry for attention" or dismissive and demeaning nonsense. The causes of such thoughts and acts are as real as you or I.

    I do not regard you as a pathetic specimen after reading this. I think you are obviously very intelligent and seeking answers to justify your own existence in a world that is too small for any of us to mean that much in the bigger picture. Your value is priceless, I apologise, but you cannot put a value on a life, anyones life.

    If you want "help" then yes, you are faced with little choice but to talk about your emotions and feelings and thoughts, openly and honestly. At this point in time, you are at least thinking about seeking more help/advice/support. With such limited information on you and your circumstances I would not like to offer more opinion.
     
  3. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Well-Known Member

    Recognising the problem is a major and often hard step. Seeking help for the problem takes great strength, which if anything I say may lend credence to the significance of the problem rather than undermining it. The problem is so real and so difficult that you do need help with it.
    I'm not sure if I have understood your query accurately but that's how I think it can be looked at.

    I think the "help" you refer to is possibly often the worst case scenario and not necessarily what would be the first response of your doctor if you were to be honest, which I think you should try to be. Try not to use your smarts to outwit/manipulate your doctor who is trying to help you, but who can only do so most effectively if you give him/her the full honest picture.
    If you're getting help, you may as well get the best help you can, by being honest about what you are feeling and thinking.
     
    SinisterKid likes this.