one reason why not

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by crossfire, Jul 9, 2011.

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  1. crossfire

    crossfire Member

    i have been searching on line for anyone to chat with.anyone who can tell me one good reason why not end this hell.i know i should call those hotlines but i don't want talk in person that would push me over the edge that i am on.is their any online help.this is the only i found.but even it says my post won't be posted right away.guess i answers my own question.
     
  2. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello crossfire,

    I am happy to see that your search on Google has brought you here - i want to help you.

    What brought you to think of suicide?
     
  3. crossfire

    crossfire Member

    hi, thank you for responding.i just cant take the pain anymore.and all the holding on i have been doing for everyone else , i can not do any more.i think i was the kind that has been dying since the day i was born.i am ready to let go .just so ready.the things that stop me is the hurt i know i will cause many .i hate that , but i am tired of hurting so they won,t.
     
  4. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello crossfire,

    I understand that you are in a lot of pain, but suicide wouldn't actually provide you relief for this pain that you feel - pain is a feeling and you can feel feelings when you are alive.

    By posting here you are demonstrating that part of you wants you to be alive and wants you to ask for help - this is very positive for me.

    How old are you? Are you married?
     
  5. crossfire

    crossfire Member

    I am 36. no i a not married.I am single mom.there is a part of me that does want to live.when i see my sons smile.then when i start looking at my life and how much of a mess i made it ,i just want to leave.i have been cutting myself again.tonight i have been drinking and have already taken 12 pain killers.I am scared now and feel like i messed up but , i don't want to call for help because .i am more scared what everyone will think of me once the secret is out. i am sorry i am rambling.i don't even now why i get so sad.
     
  6. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello crossfire,

    How many sons do you have?

    All of us will do some mistakes in our life as no one of us is perfect however we always have the chance to improve things or to fix things.

    Calling for help would be positive, you don't need to feel scared as people want to help you and not judge you.

    Have you also thought about visiting a psychologist?
     
  7. crossfire

    crossfire Member

    I have one son.he is 15.I have thought of seeing someone .i did when i was 16 and overdosed.everyone expects me to have it all in control.when i admit weakness ,people act like they can not understand why , they think i am being stupid or ungrateful.i am , i guess .i feel ashamed at 36, i starve my self, i cut myself .i am alone and even though i know my son needs me , i feel like the way i am so over whelmed , that he is better off without me.i want to believe it will all be better.but,as the night goes on it gets easier to let go.and let be.
     
  8. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Your son needs you, he needs you to get better as well.
    Do you read books crossfire? There are books that can help clarify things.
     
  9. NiceGuYKC

    NiceGuYKC Well-Known Member

    Think of your son, think about how devastated he'd be without you.
    Maybe if you can, go places with him. The cinema, sports and music events, a park, or the beach.
    Savour every moment with him.

    Of course stick with this forum.
    So many good people here, who want to listen and help.
     
  10. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello crossfire,

    Of course your life will be better, i have been able to prove this to myself - i can understand what you are feeling - i need you to have faith in yourself, trust yourself, and love yourself.

    Meanwhile i want you to think about visiting a psychologist as it will definitely help you a lot.
     
  11. REMUS

    REMUS Well-Known Member

    hello crossfire,

    You shouldn't kill yourself, especially if you have a son at the age of 15, he's still young so he still needs his mother. I know that it would be really devestating to him to lose his mother, cuz I'm 16 and my mother is al I have and if she would die I would definetly kill my self by the pain her dead would cause. Off course I don't know how your son would react but I'm sure he would be really devestated. And hearing (or actually reading) you're a single mom means that you are the only one your son can rely on. And do you know how some children react if something goes wrong between their parents, the children would think they've cuased it, that they're the blame. you don't want your son to think that he did something that made you want to kill youself, do you ? and off course you shouldn't only live becuase off your son, also try to think of the bright sight of live, and try to find support from someone, go talk to somebody about your problems, I'm sure there are people that would listen to your problems and that are willing to help you, you just need to find them.
     
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