One sided love

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Lorax, Feb 9, 2015.

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  1. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Have you ever experienced 'one sided love'? Do you have any advice? Stories to share?

    From a crush in middle school, to a platonic, long-term friendship, or any other type of relationship. So long as it was one sided.

    I feel like I'm in this kind of situation. I've only fallen in love two times & one of them is no longer with us.

    I feel guilty still loving this one. (Me & my other love, were a couple) It's like I'm stomping on my old lovers grave, if I have feelings towards anyone else.

    The issue gets worse, knowing no amount of time/ effort will make my feelings mutual. I can either keep repressing how I feel,or cut contact with the person. I don't know what to do… I feel so lost.
  2. trinisty

    trinisty Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah I do. I'm experiencing it right now.

    I've been in love with this girl (who is my best friend) for the past 2 years. Boy oh boy we spent time together a lot, like everyday we chat around and laugh together. At January 2015 (pretty recent), I confessed to her that I really love her. You know how it's going to end right, haha. She didn't love me back, and yes my heart felt like it was torn apart. I literally never love someone this much, so forgetting or moving on from her is the hardest thing that I could imagine. If I can't be with her, maybe I can wish her a happy life.

    Hope your problems are going away soon, I know it's hard. Like really hard..., even I still struggle to forget her. But I believe you can. Love you, have a great day!
  3. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    It happened to me 3 times. I am mad that I keep repeating this mistake but for me it's hard to avoid because I love having female friends. The only way to get over it is to stop seeing her/him. It's a bit like ending a normal relashionship.

    Good luck and don't feel bad about it. It happens to tons of people.
  4. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member


    Sorry, she said no. But, knowing is usually less painful long-term. Plus, it takes tons of courage to actually say it, so good job. (I'm an exception, I say it to everyone)

    I have a very similiar story, but we talked more like a year. Got super close, I had a crush on her since the time we first met. (A year before we got close)I never confessed, but the relationship fell apart for various reasons.


    Ehh.. I hate being like this, but I think it will help you most. So please don't get upset at me :(

    I empathize with you being skeptical about other's feelings. I really do.

    But if "you" *choose* to reject everyone that wants a relationship, you can't blame them for your mistrust. They haven't done anything wrong by loving you.

    You can decide who/ how/ if to accept relationships with these people that claim to love you. But you don't have any reason to not trust people, before getting to know them.

    I'm so sorry… I feel so rude offering tough-love. But I want you to find more happiness, and not feel repressed. I'd say something diferent, if you simply didn't feel it/ want it. But not something bad :)


    Ah, it's hit me many times too. You seem to understand why it's happening & how to move forward though.

    I also do much better with female friends haha. But you have to make sure you're not just mixing up which love you have.

    Example: Physical attraction is a symptom of romantic love, but not a cause/ replacement.

    You can still have female friends you're not attracted to. Just don't let your self get in a pattern that makes you want 'more'


    My relationship with the one I love is… odd. Painful, confusing, and rarely worth while. Yet, when it is… it makes me melt away into my happy place. The one only she can let me see.

    I know it'd be better to cut her out, but loosing her completely would… end the love part of my life. She's kept it, through everything & many years.

    But she'll never return my kind of love. And I can't say it. So for now, all I can do is try to keep her happy… and think through this. If she did though… It'd be so happy for both of us.

    Ah, sorry to go on about my love intrest haha. I just care about her so very much.
  5. BlackKitty

    BlackKitty Active Member

    I have only experienced one sided love. I have had crushes, but they never feel the same about me. I have wondered if anyone will love me like I have loved these people. I have given up on that idea. Some people make it looks so easy to find someone and get married. I can't even get a romantic relationship started...forever alone.......
  6. angell

    angell Member

    I think, given enough time, most people will experience one sided love. Here's my advice: Don't settle. True love or bust. How do you know that it's true love? When the other person's happiness is more important to you than your own. Like, you're a couple and he or she comes to you and says, "I'm sorry, your best friend and I have fallen in love. I am happier than I could have ever thought possible."

    What passes for love often says: "Oh my goodness, you've been cheating on me?! I feel so betrayed!"

    True love says: "I am so happy you've found someone that has brought you so much happiness. I wish you both all the best." It might even throw in, "You know, that must have taken an extraordinary amount of courage to tell me; thank you."
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