one year ago today

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fweeps, Nov 25, 2009.

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  1. fweeps

    fweeps Staff Alumni

    my best friend killed herself. I have been dreading this day and the saddness i was expecting has come full on. I have lit a candle in her honor and plan on going down to the river and let go of some balloons also.

    Jeannie was my best friend. She also dealt with depression but hadnt attempted suicide in a number of years. One year ago today she was supposed to pick me up at 11 am for lunch and she had told me once along time ago "if im late dont worry..only worry if you dont hear from me or i dont show up". Last year she didnt show up. I drove to her house where her car was in the parking structure...went upstairs and knocked. No anwser. I used the key I had to enter her house and thats where i found her dead on the couch. Next to her on a post-it pad was one line in which she wrote "i want to die". She got what she wanted.

    I feel like a hypocrite becasue I still have suicidal urges and have attempted it twice since her death...knowing the pain it will cause others if i go thru with it myself. Today is a tough one for me today.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    How awful...take good care of yourself ...PM me if I can be there for you...big hugs, J
     
  3. brokenandlonely

    brokenandlonely Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, I know just how painful it can be. take good care of yourself and I'm always here for you if you need someone to talk to. :hugs:
     
  4. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    fweepy :hug:

    I'm sorry that happened and today must be very difficult for you. try to remember the good things hun - the times you both laughed and the fun things you did together. i know you will have sad thoughts :hug: but do try to think of the happy ones too and have a little smile for those times :arms:
     
  5. Sad Rabbit

    Sad Rabbit Account Closed

    Fweeps,

    I am sorry about what happened. If you feel the need to talk, I will be here for you as well.

    Take care

    Graham
     
  6. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    oh im so sorry to hear that...i cant even imagn the pain you are in...Im sure you can remmber the best/goodness of your friend...that where you can focus on....where your friend can relive again...in your heart...
    jope you feel better soon
    take care
     
  7. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    This is a day to celebrate her life. I am so sorry you went through that, and it must hurt to think about it for a second, let alone a day. This may be a good transition period for you to further accept what happened and remember the joy she gave you.
     
  8. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    Awww, Maria. =[ You know I'm always here for you. She's in a better place now away from all this pain, even if she didn't go the best way. I'll light a candle as well, for her later. I'll be here all day, and you can call me if i'm not online. I love you, and hope I can help keep your mind off things. Be safe today, and no that many people love you and care for you. I'm sorry for your loss. : :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  9. fweeps

    fweeps Staff Alumni

    Thank you all for the wonderful replies. I will take it to heart and try my best to think of only the best memories of Jeannie.
     
  10. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    Writing again, as I watch you on webcam. You can make it through today. You're very strong. I know you can do it. If you don't think you can, do it for Jeannie. I know she'd want you to stay alive and be happy.
     
  11. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Hey sweetie. Celebrate the fact that she made you happy for the time she was here. Don't live with regrets. She is in a much better place. Believe that.
     
  12. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    you must be having such a hard time hun. i am so sorry you had to go through that.
    your not a hypocrite you;ve been through a hell of alot, i'm honestly so proud of you for keep battling when so many would have given up long ago.
    i'm here for you if there is anything i can do you just let me know. love ya to bits hun :hug:
     
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know there is nothing i can say anyone can say to take away your saddness and pain I am glad you are still here and know your friend would want you to be happy I hope your pain lessens in time but know anniversaries of death can be so hard. Make some time for just you today okay get out and do something that will take away or lessen the pain a bit. Can you find someone to spend some time with you today so you are not so alone take care.
     
  14. fweeps

    fweeps Staff Alumni

    Thank you again all..youve help make this day better for me.
     
  15. fweeps

    fweeps Staff Alumni

    and thank you too all who have PMd me...im struggling right now trying to hold on
     
  16. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i'm personally really proud of you for hangin on as i'm sure others are also. i know your loss. i lost my best friend also via suicide. it's not easy but in time it will become more bearable more managable. hang in there and keep talking to us. we're here to help
    please take care
     
  17. fweeps

    fweeps Staff Alumni

    thanks rhinolady...i guess im not alone with these feelings..and that comforts me some.
     
  18. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    im sorry you are having such a bad day. my fiance was murdered 11 years ago in san francisco. i know how it is to lose someeone,,i know its hard to deal with i lost 4 ppl in the month of february. i wish i was with her in the after life but i am coming back here to this place we call earth. i dont post cos i dont want to trigger ppl, i hope you kknow im always here for you and always willing ot talk.
    please dont follow her into the afterlife. we are supposed to met next summer. if nothing else remember that ill be in sonoma county for afew weeks sometime and want ot meet you in person/.
    take care and stay safe jason :hug:
     
  19. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Anniversary of a death is the hardest you coming here was best thing you could do talking with your friends here. I know how hard it is and i am hoping tommorrow will be easier for you. This is a good time to release some pain crying let it out it does help
     
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