my best friend killed herself. I have been dreading this day and the saddness i was expecting has come full on. I have lit a candle in her honor and plan on going down to the river and let go of some balloons also. Jeannie was my best friend. She also dealt with depression but hadnt attempted suicide in a number of years. One year ago today she was supposed to pick me up at 11 am for lunch and she had told me once along time ago "if im late dont worry..only worry if you dont hear from me or i dont show up". Last year she didnt show up. I drove to her house where her car was in the parking structure...went upstairs and knocked. No anwser. I used the key I had to enter her house and thats where i found her dead on the couch. Next to her on a post-it pad was one line in which she wrote "i want to die". She got what she wanted. I feel like a hypocrite becasue I still have suicidal urges and have attempted it twice since her death...knowing the pain it will cause others if i go thru with it myself. Today is a tough one for me today.