one year ago

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by vbuk, Jan 20, 2008.

  1. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    a year ago yesterday my grandad died. i do feel horrible because i thought it was next week but nope! i guess it is kinda good that i didnt realise as yesterday would have been a nightmare for me. but i got on with a very bust day at work and hadnt really thought about it.

    i miss him. miss him like crazy. think about him alot. it is still quite hard to come to terms with tbh. even tho it has been a full year.

    He died in hospital. he was 94 (if i remember rightly). he lived in a care home with my gran. she is still with us. it is still hard to walk past what was his room.

    He loved rugby. went for years. he lost mobility tho so couldn't go much, until he moved into this care home which was next to the rugby ground so myself and my dad used to take him.

    His final year watching his rugby team was the most successful. they won promotion to the highest league. he had to sit on the side of the pitch in his wheelchair. there was a match that i missed where we beat a much higher team. was totally unexpected. when the final hooter went some of the players ran towards him. they hugged my dad and shook my grandads hand. it made his day. He did a lot for the rugby team before he lost his mobility. he loved it. to the point where he wanted the team's song played at his funneral. Next week is our 1st match of the season. i think thats when it will hit me. i did write a post about it last year when it happened... It was a time where i couldnt cry. had no emotions. had nothing. i dont know if a year on is going to be the same. im not sure.

    I try to look back and think of the happy times. the funny times and just anything i remember. i am scared ill forget him. forget his face. his voice. There were things i forgot when he died. we talked to the viccar about them and things kept coming back.

    He was a stubborn old man really! Always complaining. but he was my grandad and i loved him...i mean i love him.

    Clare xxx
  2. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    wow .. it's good that you had a relationship like that. I have never been close to my grandad, i'm far more close to his sister who is my great aunt, so it's difficult for me to relate i guess, but i'm here if you need me.
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    My grandmother died about 4 years ago. She was about 82 I think. She was suffering at the time and couldn't move around much. I knew that she was in a lot of pain and would be better off if God had mercy on her and took her back. I loved my grandmother very much, because she was a very kind person. When she passed away, I was sad that she was gone, but I was also happy because she was no longer in pain. I never even cried for her. I'm sorry to hear about your grandad Clare. He sounds like he was a really nice old man. But when people live a good and long life, then it's easier to let them go.
  4. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    it doesnt matter how old or what was happening. it will never be easy to let someone go. im sorry but i dont agree with that one bit.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    What I'm saying Clare is that when a person has lived a long and fulfilling life, we shouldn't morn their death, rather we should think about all the wonderful things that they have accomplished. It makes it easier to let go I think.
  6. rojomi

    rojomi Banned Member

    well, my mother died about a year ago, my father the previous year. I have no choice but to let it go. they had good long lives and both died in their sleep.
    i should be so lucky. i miss the hell out of them...
    one of the reasons children are given pets is to help them accept mortality.
    doesn't make it any easier. sorry
  7. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Grieving's an incredibly personal thing.. what goes for you, may not work for someone else, and vice versa. Anniversaries are always poignant dates, and it's natural to think of someone - a loved one, a friend, who's long since gone up to that place in the sky with lovely polished golden gates - on, and around that time. Time is a healer, but none of us have any place how long it ''should'' take - as it simply isn't the case that it has a defineable time limit.
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm sorry. I guess I'm just an emotionally detached person.
  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    The pain of losing some one may never go away but time does have a way of lessening the pain. But Clare, you will always have your memories and your granddad will always be in your heart.
  10. starlight2006

    starlight2006 Well-Known Member

    Dave I don't think you are. Abacus is right, everyone grieves in their own way. My great aunt is in her 80s. She has terminal cancer. My nan had a similar cancer and in the end she ended up suffering alot - she couldn't eat. I love my aunt to bits. Her mind is still there and she is the same person I have always known.

    As bad as it sounds, I want her to go sooner rather than later. My worst fear is her suffering. I haven't cried much about it. And i think that is because she is old. She has had a long life. If she were younger, I think it would be different. I know when the time comes I will be hurt alot and will cry. Thats guaranteed. But the fact that she is older does help and will help in our grief.

    I think everyone needs to take a step back and see what Abacus said. There is no definite way someone shud grieve. Everyone grieves in their own way.
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I guess we have a similar way of grieving for our loved ones starlight.