One year and still fighting

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lilshortcanadian, Aug 17, 2016.

  1. lilshortcanadian

    lilshortcanadian Active Member

    Im new here and I kinda just came across this page while letting my mind harm me again. Last summer, June 23 I tried to kill myself. Its been a rough journey since than. Now I feel back in that boat. After not having a job for a year while on working on my health, I decided to seach a new job. Been at this new job for only three weeks. It feels like Im reliving my nightmare of working at my old job last year where a manager made me feel worthless. This manager is a rude person who just makes his workers feel so emotional. My third shift working I felt like crying because of how he spoke to me. His excuse to why he speaks to his workers like this is to "tough them up to deal with the drunken customers who come in to the pizza shop". I dont understand how someone can be this rude and cuss and scream at his workers. I have done everything I could to prove myself. I have came in on my days off to help others. Even today I was sent home way early only because I messed up once..ONCE on an order. I felt so stupid and he made me feel that way. I was helping with everything today while trying to do my part. Its like Im not any good. All he could say to me is "dont need anyone else fucking up today. Clock out and go home" Im stuck on what to even do anymore. I cant sleep and even think right. I feel like I am back at square one. I just want to feel like Im worth something and not failing at everything.
  2. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi LSC and welcome to SF. Its not your fault you have a prick of a boss. He is the worthless sack of shit in this piece, not you. Treating staff like that is deplorable at best. Swearing at staff is never acceptable, but I guess theres not much you can do about it. if he spoke to me like that he would be eating through a straw for a little whilst, no pizza for him thats for sure. All you can do is, do your job to the very best of your ability and if that is not good enough, no one can ask more of you. Some people get their kicks out of belittling others, sad fuckers. You are worth ten of him.

    So what happened after you tried to kill yourself? Did you start any therapy at all? Did you take any medication to help? Its obvious the job situation is not helping you and is putting you back. Theres no easy answer to that one. Changing jobs is about the only real option and thats not easy is it. Can you change shifts so you have a different manager?

    Its really important right now not to allow this guy to bully you into thinking you are worthless or useless. You have to keep telling yourself something different. He is a bully, of that there is little doubt. Try not to allow him the satisfaction of seeing you upset when he shouts at you or swears at you. A lot of the time if they find they cant intimidate you, they will leave you alone, more or less.
  3. lilshortcanadian

    lilshortcanadian Active Member

    Yeah I was put in a recovery place for about two weeks. About the best place I ever been. I enjoyed the peaceful environnent that I never had in my life. The staff there was so caring and looked after us. First three days however I slept in my room. They did come in and seen how I was. After I left there I was able to see my Therapist again since he came back from his vacation. To be honest a year on disabity helped me out a lot. I got my credits I needed to start off in University and to help my mental health. I felt like things were going good so I wanted to try to work again. Came across this job three weeks again. Third shift and I was treated like shit by the manager who hired me. Sadly, he treats everyone like this. I dont work with him often, but even my superviser is a prick. But today after to venting to a lot of people, I decided to put my two weeks in today. So Im scared how it will turn out when I get to work. I work with him again today. I shouldnt hate going to work. Bur I know this is for the bedt. For sure before I start off at UOM next month. I dont want to screw up my studies. Hoping after 4 years I will become a social worker and actually have a job Im good at
  4. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    So you are quitting the job? Sounds fair to me.

    Off to Uni soon then? Exciting times, I hope that goes well. Becoming a social worker is a very worthwhile career.
  5. lilshortcanadian

    lilshortcanadian Active Member

    Yeah I just feel like I am not cut out for this job. I dont want to always hate going to work because I fear of being treated like crap. Im honestly excited for uni. I feel like this will be one thing Im good at. School has always been something I was always great at.
  6. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Are there supports that you can connect with at school. Like a counsellor or a doctor.
  7. lilshortcanadian

    lilshortcanadian Active Member

    I havent started school year. But I start next month and want to be involved with a lot of groups that I feel like Ill be into it. I do have a Therapist but I havent seen him in months. I do need to call him and have a talk session with him.