So today is one year since she was murdered. The past few days leading up to this have taken it's toll. I had a breakdown a few nights ago and i gave into temptation. Not a little slip up. But i slipped up 50+ times. Now everytime i try to walk i'm reminded of what a fuck up i truly am. I'm actually handling it better than i thought i would. Theres so much built up anger in me and no matter what i do i never seem able to release it. I take it out on the ones closest to me. Hoping it will make me feel better inside. All it does is make me feel worse. I'm loosing people around me that i care about so much. Apart of me wants it to happen because knowing no one cares would make this so much easier but another part of me is dying inside. I want to take my anger out on him. I've met him a few times before he killed her. The day he pushed that knife into her chest over and over again changed us all. He ruined our lives. He took a beautiful person away from this earth. A strong woman. A woman who deserved all the good things in life. He not only took her life but he took her familys life. As Steph said in this i hope he suffers ever minute, every second of those 19 years. I hope he dies in that place and his daughters grow up and know what horrible monster their dad is. I feel sorry for the girls, their beautiful children and they've gotta grow up knowing what their dad did. Steph took those children in when they needed stability and this is how their family is repayed?! I might add to this later. I need to clear my head.