One year

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by ali-wali, Nov 11, 2010.

  1. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    I will never forget the days we had, paul. But one day has robbed me of thinking of our memories. The day I found out. I will never forget it. I will always be mad at you, but me wishing your were here is almost like me been selfish, as that is not what you wanted. I will not wish you were here anymore because I am tired of it I will simply wish your memories stay with me forever, and wish your family happiness and your little sister a life without pain. I have been to the place you were 'scattered' which makes me feel sick. I couldn't find the actual markings because there was no headstone I will go this week though if I can bring myself to get out of the house. The day you died I did too, Our circle of friends have forgotten about me. I am invisible to them all. I wish I wasn't but that's life. It's funny really the fact that I'm so mad at you for doing it but yet I am feeling the same as you were then. I feel for the traindriver and the passengers, and you for only living 17 years and falling at the first relationship hurdle. I've no idea why but I get so mad when she gets a new boyfriend, it's just the fact that you can't and you literally gave your life for her. But she is hurting more than I can even begin imagine. Rest in peace best friend, Get high, drink loads and say hi to grandad. Love you xxxx
     
  2. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    ali-wali im so sorry for your loss
    thats a very heartfelt post to paul and hope you can get through your feelings
    im sure him and grandad are watching you saying its your round to each other
    :drunk::hugtackles:
    your not invisible here,
    ive shed a tear for you
     
  3. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    Thankyou for taking the time to read my post :) Paul is still very loved and on other social sites it proves it. He was such a happy person, and very funny and cocky! I loved that about him. And don't shed a tear! I don't want people to be sad :( I just wish people knew how much heartache is caused by one persons life going. Whatever the reason we can all get through it right? xxxx
     
  4. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    we're trying to get through it right?
    from your post i can tell he was special to you cherish those memories ok.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too hope you can let go of some of the pain i know it is hard He will always remain in others hearts he has touched I am sorry he had to leave so young.