one year

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by IV2010, Dec 20, 2010.

  1. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    just after Christmas is the first anniversary of my precious sons suicide :blub:

    He was kind and caring and generous to a fault..he was good looking and clever..but didn't believe any of this

    the day he died he took part of me with him...

    I am no longer the person I was and with each day I grow more different to who I used to be..I don't know who I am anymore.

    I am depressed every single day..

    I no longer live ..I exist

    It doesn't get any easier and I'm told the second year is even harder because I will finally accept that he's gone..

    I still love him with all my heart although it's broken into a million pieces.

    Until we meet again
    R.I.P. my beautiful son..xx
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 20, 2010
  2. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug: I'll keep you in my thoughts and send you my strength.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No it does not get any easier IV i understand that much but hopefully in time you can start remembering you son without so much pain so much sadness.
    I am sure he was so very kind and caring like his mother. You of course will have changed and yes a piece of you went with him your heart. Take each day okay one day time and reach out to others okay your grandchild your daughter god love her she needs you. It is hard to stay strong on your own IV so please continue to have those supports in place please. I am so sorry he did not want to cause you this pain he just wanted out somehow I am sorry he could not get that help you so desperately wanted him to get. Hold on here okay to us to your therapist to friends wish i could take some of that pain away i do but i know there is nothing that can be done just let the tears come okay let them fall its okay everyone understands.:cry2::cry2:
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hanne thank you for your kind thoughts
    violet I know you can understand and thank you for your (as always) wise advice..
    *hugs* to you both
  5. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    **holding you in my heart**
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    thanks Kali *Hug*
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

  8. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    ***holding you close in my heart*** sweetie. **tears** for you, for me, for all of us. **holding you close**
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Sorry to hear about your loss IV. I'm sure he was a wonderful person. :hug:
  10. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry IV :(
  11. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Thinking of you. X
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    :i'm sorry: Iv one moment at a time okay hugs so many hugs for you:rose::rose::rose::rose:
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    thank you Dave, FD and fitzy...and violet
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2010
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    to test what strength I have left all things went wrong today..

    my car died after I'd been to visit my parents grave for Christmas (half an hours drive away) and because my mobile isn't working properly I had to walk a few kms to find a phone to ring for assistance..
    the timing chain is broken (maybe new motor) and the car was towed home on a truck.
    the handle broke on my handbag while I was walking and when I got home there was a speeding fine in the post from weeks ago..
    and I've had a chest infection since Tuesday...

    I want to have a total breakdown but when I look at things nothing, nothing is ever gonna be as bad as what I've been through this last year so ... I'll try to let it go!!!

    I just don't know what I've done to deserve this..:lone:
  15. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    What and who will help you to survive this anniversary? Sending love x
  16. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You have nothing IV you need to rest okay take care of YOU maybe that is why all these little things are happening with car and purse and speeding ticket to tell you to slow down a bit. Take time for YOU okay be with people who care who will give you strength when not is there. Melt down maybe you need to let it all come out but be in a safe place okay hospital for few days may be the rest you need. i often think abt that but i can't. Please be with family okay Do NOT be alone okay be with family people who care hugs IV know i will be praying for you know you are not alone even when you feel you are. take care.:hugtackles::hugtackles:
  17. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    gawd sweetie you've done nothing to deserve any of this. honest.

    You have a good good heart.

    Sometimes the universe just doles out crap for whatever reason.

    ***holding you in my heart always***
  18. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    the anniversary of his death the family (minus me) is gathering at my exes where it happened...I will be here alone and now without a car cannot even visit the spot before the rest of them get there..*hugs*

    thanks violet ..xmas lunch with the one daughter who cares and grandaughter ..then they're having the family gathering at another daughters(minus me)
    Why is life so cruel violet? *hug*

    the universe has certainly got a lot to answer for Kali..
    hope you can find some strength for the holidays yourself..*hug*
  19. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    I love you sweetie
    from my side of the globe to yours
    it's a small and fragile marble we inhabit
    with fragile ppl, sometimes we forget that
    i really honestly do care about you and it still hurts me, that in my pain i lashed out so hard, you didn't deserve that, i was in such shock.
    I do care deeply about you.

    you have an AMAZING Heart.

    Much love surround you
    brighter days for us all, is my wish tonight
    how? no clue
    and yes, the universe has a hell of a lot to answer for and i will be standing by your side when we address said universe

    you will always be in my heart :hug:
  20. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with your family shutting you out as well as your son's anniversary. If your family is ruled out as a source of support, what other sources of support can you draw on? It seems there are lots of people on here who care for you and I hope that helps a bit?
    I have you in my thoughts. X