I've been SH free for a year. I didn't even think about it. Then suddenly I broke. I don't know what I was even thinking. I was just so angry at everything around, and I was taking it out on my boyfriend. I felt so guilty that next thing I know I've locked myself in my bathroom and gave in. I feel sick, but I'm fascinated by it. That little voice in my head is telling me that I missed it, but I know its wrong. I was orginially addicted from age 15-17. Around my 18th birthday I've stopped completely, mostly when I finally got rid of all the negative things in my life. I was so proud of myself, and so was my boyfrined (Who was also my best friend that I met on here, in fact. We've known each other ever since I was 15) All that work and struggling for nothing. Part of me wants to scream, and part of me feels like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulder. With Borderline Personality, I feel like the S.H is th eonly thing keeping me from harming other people. Its my only true dependent. I don't know why I stopped.