ongoing battle

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by stinkydog, Nov 1, 2009.

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  1. stinkydog

    stinkydog Member

    So my depression has come back again, after a 4mth break. I thought I was doing really well: off medication, finishing up with my concellor, having fun, and feeling good in myself. I dont know what happened in the meantime for this to come back.
    Tbh, its left me in such a state of mind, Iam feeling so low and Iam really contemplating suicide. Iam tired of living my life in this this constant uphill battle. I ve ruined the most amazing friendship with a best friend due to my depression in the last week, which Iam grieving over. My family situation is not any better either. I dont have many friends to turn to either. My little dog is the only supportive companion that I have.
    Iam awaiting to be seen by therapists etc. On Monday Iam going to a crisis service.
    Iam starting to realise their is no end to the pain of depression. The last 11 years I have been struggling to overcome this pain. Despite working so hard to battle it and to keep it away. I dont know what to do anymore, I honestly can see the point of staying here after christimas. Iam so lost.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    In my case, I realized that I would be taking medication all of my life. It's part of my program to manage my depression. You may have to go back on your meds and you may have to keep on taking them so you most likely won't have a serious spell of depression.

  3. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    I'm sorry that I'm not sure what to tell you. I feel the same way sometimes in that I don't have any idea what brings it on. It doesn't make sense.

    I'm glad that it sounds like you're going to at least wait until after Christmas to do anything. Hopefully by then you are feeling better.

    I also don't know anything about what happened with your friend. But I hope that it can be fixed. A lot of times those things can be mended after a little time, when both sides realize that some sort of kind and friendly relationship is better than holding grudges.

    I really hated it when I've been really, really bad and not able to find someone to talk to right away. It's already bad enough just working up to calling a therapist, and then being told "we're all booked up for two weeks."

    It's a crazy world.
  4. stinkydog

    stinkydog Member

    Iam missing my friend so much, its really pains me that I was the one who destroyed my freindship. Ive tired to contact him, but he told me he still wants a break from our freindship. I dont have anyone else. I stay at home in my room with my little dog.
    I am working in a job that I enjoy, but its difficult to remain upbeat when iam working, so it leaves me exhausted by the end of the day.
    I sleep alot to cancel out the pain Iam feeling only to wake up dissapointed that Iam still here suffering.
  5. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    That's too bad that he's not ready to resume your friendship.

    And I'm not necessarily willing to accept your statement that it's your fault, just because of the nature of this place.

    But I'm happy to hear you are trying to get back in touch with him. He'll come around, even if it's not for awhile.
  6. stinkydog

    stinkydog Member

    The way i look at it MNTim is if it wasnt for my depression, I would not be in this situation with my friend. Its caused the breakup of the only person that I truly loved, and now its caused the destruction of the friendship. I hate having to constantly battle with this illness, and how it destroys anything good that I have in my life.
  7. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    I think I have to assume that's true.

    But I also think that your friend will get over it in time.

    I can't in all honesty say that it doesn't make a difference. But it might be easier once they know what is going on, like I assume your once and future friend does now.

    For me, if I knew someone understood that I might be worthless for awhile it might make it easier for both of us. Not sure, but that's my thought.
  8. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    its good your going back for help, you;ve been here before you can get back to the good times again, if your on edge you are free to pm me. :hug:
  9. stinkydog

    stinkydog Member

    thanks wheresmysheep,
    things are looking ok with my friend now, hes started to make some contact with me:)
    however, iam still left with the pain of this depression. Watching everyone around me move on with their lives, while iam still here stuck in the same position as always.
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