Ongoing depression

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by demian, Feb 4, 2011.

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  1. demian

    demian New Member

    I often ask myself "Why do I do all that? What's the point?", then I spend hours watching TV series online... There are bright days, when I feel that there is some sense in life and start actively doing something. Only to fall back into depression soon.
    I've never attempted suicide. Too afraid of pain. If there were pills that would let me go without agony, in sleep, I would take them. Taking any random pills and hoping overdose would work isn't an option. Staying alive but with a damaged brain or something else is a horrifying thought. I often hope a plane on which I travel would fall. But it never does.

    I haven't had such thought when I was a teenager. Now I'm 23, I've been having a more or less permanent depression for the past couple of years. Probably, it's linked to the fact that my partner with whom we've lived together for already 4 years is not very optimistic about life either. We have a beautiful apartment, travel a lot (in fact, when I travel, I feel I live; when we get back home, it all starts again), no financial issues. Maybe, because of that, I don't really feel I need to aspire to anything. Although I do want to finally find a job that I'll love. And the lack of aspiration depresses me. I try to make myself read (I used to love reading), but can't. When I'm home, I'm glued to my laptop and can't focus on reading for pleasure. I keep watching TV series online. I want to learn more foreign languages, but I don't find determination.

    Friends... I don't have any, in fact. I have many acquaintances but I don't feel like spending much time with them. Communication with my partner is my only regular social activity. When I try to get to know other people, they usually disappoint me fast in real life or I lose interest towards them. I don't know why, and I can do anything with it...
  2. the_only_one

    the_only_one Well-Known Member

    i feel your pain, eventhough i am only 15 i feel the same way, i have had the same girlfriend for 2 years now and she is the only one i talk to.but when i get depressed, she is the one i talk to and she gets me out of my suicidal thoughts. you need to reach out and find that one person you can talk to no matter what. they really do help
  3. Seems_Perfect

    Seems_Perfect Well-Known Member

    "Friends... I don't have any, in fact. I have many acquaintances but I don't feel like spending much time with them...When I try to get to know other people, they usually disappoint me fast..."

    I felt as if I was reading my own thoughts. Believe me, you're not alone in your feelings. Like the_only_one wrote, "I feel your pain." I really do.
  4. moni8278

    moni8278 New Member

    Everything you just said is exactly how I feel...You're not alone.
    I've been trying self talk tonight, but it's not helping. I feel utterly alone
  5. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    i am also experiencing VERY similar symptons as you Demian,

    don't feel like hanging out with my friends... depression always coming back... no motivation/aspiration... finding a job that i love...

    but no girlfriend, no job only adds to the load. sucks.
  6. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Can relate to you so well demian and all the other responses too, How I wish I could take a pill and never wake up, like you too scared of what would happen if it didn't work right. Also no motivation to get a job or a friend or really a purpose to keep going on. Sorry none of us have good suggestions for you but you seemed to speak for a lot of us how we're feeling and not dealing well with it.:zombie:
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