Online dating, is it really not a piece of trash?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Jacob1973, Feb 18, 2010.

  1. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I have been trying the online dating scene for what seems to be an eternity, but infact has probably only been a few years. Anyway, I feel horrible about it since it seems to me to be a money pit. The big 4 or so sites are expensive, being at least $20-50 a month. What does that get you? About 2 hours a day of looking at pictures, and trying to get women to respond.

    I really think that these sites are liars! There is no way they have much success on there. I ended up just crying for a few hours yesterday over the shear frustration of endless "profile was removed". I think that they have turned into the "click here" instant relationship "molds" that women seem to think their "prince charming" will fill. WHAT THEY SEEM TO WANT IS A WOMAN WITH A PENIS! SHEESH!

    Im sorry, I am not a damn COOKIE CUTTER GUY! I feel that I am a very nice guy. But how do you get past the first stupid introduction. I might as well be speaking to a wall! :sparkle:
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey thanks for the info as I was getting ready to sign up myself..I just have no way to meet men and would really like to have a boyfriend/special someone.

    I hear the people they use in the ads are fake but I know when I did match 6 years ago I met one phony and one cool guy but fear that was sheer luck...

    thanks for the heads up...good luck and if you know anyway to meet men let me know..I am trying to find out where you guys all hang out..
  3. Shattered Soldier

    Shattered Soldier Well-Known Member

    You might as well be speaking to a wall or just a site administrator. In my experience I have encountered a lot of dating sites that set up a bunch of "shills", that is a person pretending to be a customer, just to get all of us poor, lonely people to put out some of our hard earned money to join the site. This probably leads to your current problem of "profile being removed".

    My problem with the sites has always been my honesty. After filling in all the details, I seem to come across as a desperate, depressed, suicidal misfit seeking the same. I think the real trick is trying to list the qualities in yourself that women have found desirable in you in past relationships. That is, if you're not like me, and just think they were all just a slew of lies to tell themselves :)
  4. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Then don't go to a site that you have to pay for? There are a good few that are free and the one I signed up to a few weeks ago ( has loads of active people on that I still talk to daily. I don't think it's healthy to go around seeking a relationship for years on end though, in the end if it happens then it happens. I met my ex-boyfriend online but it wasn't on a dating site or anything similar; it was on an anime forum, the last place I ever expected to find someone and at a time in my life when I wasn't even looking for someone.

    Well good luck, but be careful with the way you bring yourself across to other people on dating sites, as you don't want to seem desperate or needy.
  5. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I understand what you are saying. I try to be open, and not sound "needy". Rather just try to come across as open, and wanting to talk. But I dont have other ways of meeting people at the moment, so online dating seems to fit my time. But it is still rather disheartening nevertheless.
  6. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Do you put your picture up on these websites? I don't want to come across as rude, but I know from hearing others experiences and of course common sense that some people may look at a picture and judge the person, or simply not find them attractive enough. I am not trying to say you're unattractive, but how about try not having your picture up and putting up one of say, a cartoon character or something, just so people don't get to judge you straight off. That way, without knowing what you look like, they might try to get to know you more and then after time, when you feel you know eachother well enough, you can present a picture of yourself and hopefully by then the person will be more taken with your personality and appearance won't matter nearly as much. They'll also not be able to judge you as much, because they'll already know you and know that you're a fairly decent guy, etc., etc.

    It's worth a try anyway, I think. =]
  7. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    or you can have your best friend buy you a sitting with a professional photographer and get some great shots out of it. post them online, get all sorts of responses from women and then completely ditch the aforementioned best friend. not that i have any experience with that!
  8. daytimedreamer

    daytimedreamer New Member

    I met my fiance on and before I met him I went on dates with people from They are both free and not too terrible.

    Be safe!
  9. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    yah i put up profiles on plentyoffish and okcupid (among about 20 other sites). I dont know what to think about it all.
  10. TaraJo

    TaraJo Banned Member

    Sometimes it works; I was married to someone I met online. And we met on a FREE dating site. As of now, the best free dating site out there is probably
  11. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I dunno when I read this thread it makes me feel ill.
    I have no interest clicking on to one of those sites. It's like people butchering themselves and each other. Sorry. I've gone through trying to communicate with A MySpace Profile without going on to the damn site (the person didn't want to talk properly, only through songs, little phrases and BS) and it did my head in.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2010
  12. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    This is a good idea (going to a photoshoot not ditching the best friend!). I went to a photoshoot with some family members and although I don't think I'm all that attractive, apparently people say I look really good in the pictures and like a whole different person. :smile:
  13. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Underneath it all, everyone will know that it's just a photograph and lighting, make up can effect how you look? Right? :unsure:

    What I'd suspect is if you did go for a photoshoot, you'll get women (who love staged, posed pretty photographs of GoodLookingMen) responding to your photograph. Do you want that? Cos you said you're not cookie cutter, and let me tell you people aren't cookie-cut-outs, that's what these sites are like. They are cookie-cutters. :mellow:
  14. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I've found some success. Free dating sites are the best - women don't want to pay either. OKCupid, PlentyOfFish, some local craigslists are good places (craigslist can be a little seedy, but I've had the most success there)
  15. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    apparently that doesn't matter. he went from barely any responses to now dating 3 women at once inside of 3 weeks. apparently pictures do make a difference. what doesn't make a difference? someone that has loved him for 10 years. someone that has done everything for him and now is getting tossed out like an old newspaper.
  16. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    That doesn't stop the person in the picture looking attractive though. You could say that about every picture where the person is good looking; that the lighting and make-up they may have on could just be making them look better than they actually do, in which case, why bother with online dating at all? People look through other peoples profiles & pictures. If they're just gonna avoid all the good looking people simply because they probably don't look like that all the time then that's just silly. Everyone has their good and bad days - even naturally good looking people can have bad days and look rough sometimes; underneath, other people know this too. :)
  17. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Personally I don't find that style of photography/ modeling on that thing attractive: one, cos i just don't and another cos "being attractive" for me is far more than an online profile with a pretty picture and a impressive lists to convey a certain image. It's all about image, playing the game of getting across a certain image, whether it be online, or even in the offline 'dating scene' it's just full of masks and acting. I often wonder if they do 'get a date' how long does it last? Is it what they were hoping? Is it full of superficial BS?
  18. symondhelly

    symondhelly Account Closed

    When you do talk to someone online and start up a relationship. It will take time to get to know someone. I would say giving that relationship at least 6 months or longer, so you will get to know each other.
    Trust is a very hard thing to come by when it comes to those rooms. You will never know who your really talking to unless they have a web cam and even then, they may not be all that trustworthy.
    Online relationships are hard. There are some of them that will try to use you or hurt you. Over all, your better off not meeting someone in person unless you are really sure you know them.
  19. The_Guard

    The_Guard Well-Known Member

    I dont believe in "online" dating sites...why pay for love? do i believe online relationships can work out? Yes, if one fo you is eventually willing to move...


    Source: personal experience.
  20. tortuosa

    tortuosa Banned Member

    maybe you are the one that is desperate?