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online friend

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by starryeyed, Apr 19, 2011.

  1. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    I got close to girl online.i got angry with her because she sleeps up to three days in a row.she wont look.for a job has been out work 8 years.if I had her health id be working my socks off.
    She says I should be nice to her because shes the only one who taljs to me.is that emotional blackmail ?am I wrong to tell her to get oyt bed get her life together ?
    Im seriously ill and in abusive situation and am very low at the moment
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    if she sleeps for three days in a row, she probably doesn't have a whole lot of energy, she sounds really exhausted

    maybe you can try to support and encourage her without prodding her or getting angry
  3. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    I have been trying to encourage her.she says she sleeps to escape.if I say anything she gets very angry.it bothers me that im seriously ill and shes fine but is wasting her life in bed.
    Its cos I speak the truth thats why she gets angry.if everyone decided they were goung to stay in bed what would happen to society.i just hate people copping out.
  4. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Have you considered she might be unwell too...I also suspect that if someone spoke an unpleasant truth about your own life, then you'd react in an equally hostile manner...
  5. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Shes not sick.i think her saying she was the only one who talks to me so I should be nice to her is a truth she pointed out.but I wasnt hostile.so its ok for her to say that
  6. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Emotional blackmail, yes. She ain't trying to hear it.

    Wrong to tell her to get her life together? Not really, bu then again, you should see how she would take offense to that since you don't even know her. Sleeping three days a row to escape, she's obviously not emphatic about living.

    How would you like it if some stranger from the internet told you to stop your bitching about being sick and get off your ass? Exact wording doesn't matter; means the same.
  7. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    No it is not,you should be as rude as you like to her now for that little observation that she pointed out.

    For instance I have someone who follows me around the net acting out the role of being my special ghost friend,like the shmoo,but to that person I would say it is a sure bet that they feel like crap when they log on to find all the emotional abuse I have left for them to read.

    It's only fair if someone tells you exactly how they're fucking with you for you to do wild and totally atrocious things back to them.If you don't then the relationship power dynamic becomes unbalanced and that person higher up on the see-saw may become a spoilt internet child.

    Slash and burn,take away the enemies spoils of war.

    These may sound like the words of a madman but you are being emotionally abused in the aggressive and passive senses,this person is controlling the relationship for their own benefit when they are active and then making you feel guilty by explaining their capricious absences as being down to crippling depression.
    You have been left with no sense of self determination when it comes to dealing with her and you are also being saddled with the burden of an illness she won't even begin to talk with you about.
    I have a relative like that,they only get in contact when they want you to hear all their bullshit then when you try to talk back they feign the need to vomit or tell you they have a migraine coming on.Then guess what they come back a few days later with a whinge about how unwell they've been and ,well you know ,you're going through the same thing right now.

    It's an impossible tactical and strategic situation to deal with,you might as well throw all civility to the wind.
    Being rude and obnoxious will not kill anything genuine in the relationship as it would have had to be there to be killed in the first place.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 19, 2011
  8. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    They could say get off my ass but I cant stand or walk so I wouldnt get far.theres a big difference between being seriously ill and lying in bed all the time.you cant change being ill but you can get out if bed if youre not sick.
  9. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    "Someone who's got what you've got is out doing what you're not."
  10. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    See how that works? All I see is you trying to justify telling this girl off because you envy her. Anyone who sleeps that long is not doing well and telling them "get a job you lazy bum" doesn't help, even though it may be true. You don't know her.
  11. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    Why do you get angry when people you don't know don't do what you tell them to? Maybe you should think about that while you consider why she's the only one who'll talk to you.
  12. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    How can you get angry for something that really you don't know anything about, except for what they're telling you. Sorry I know youre in a conversation with the other people here, but... There's a way you go about it. You can't compare her life to what you would be doing in her circumstances, unless you are comparing in a realistic motivation, that shows a real possibility for them. Idk.
    Telling someone to get their life together.. there's a time and a place for that.

    I honestly couldn't tell you if it's emotional abuse because i dont know if you just told her to get a life. Things look very different out of context.
    Hope things are better for you two atleast..
  13. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    how do you know she doesn't have a mental illness? depression? bipolar? social anxiety? a common symptom is to withdraw, to sleep alot. i think you are judging her too harshly. she may not have a physical illness like you but there's a good chance she has a mental illness.
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I tend to agree with dazzle..sounds like a mental illness..
    people with a mental illness are suffering a disability too..
    it's just no-one sees the mental illness..
    hope you and friend sort things out..
  15. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    I was diagnosed with schizophrenia 5 years ago but I went back to work and am now off meds.having a mh issue is no reason to lie in bed.she told me she bought me a present and posted it.so I went off and bought her something.she got herd yesterday .i sent ir a week after she sent hers.i still havent got hers.its pretty obvious she made ir up to get something offme .
    And shes actually not the only ne whp talks tome.anytime I habe needed support she hasnt been there for me.but I have alwsys been there for her.
    She lets her parents do everything for her and shes in her thirtied.her mum is sick too which is terrible.ive decided to cut her out my life.
  16. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    YExcuse typos im on a small phone.thanks for the replies.for the record I dont envy her.
    I went to college have a career and am published.she has none these things.
    She makes me angry becos shes lazy.but then irs not my problem.
    How could you envy someone who has done nothing for nearly ten years
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 20, 2011
  17. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    if you don't feel like you want to be friends with her, you don't have to be

    I don't think you necessarily understand what it is like to be in her shoes though. Your experience of mental illness and hers may be dramatically different. Beyond the mental health issues, there are physical problems that can make someone tired.

    Anyone who spends three days sleeping is ill. It's not something that a healthy person would even want to do
  18. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    I was very bad.i tried to strangle my mother and was arrested and put in hospital.you cant really get worse than that.the main difference is though I fight back stronger.i dont lwt it define me.im only out work four months until my physical illness got too bad to cope.
    But im hoping to go back to.uni anywy.iget very angry with people who take the easy way out.she admitted why should she work when the state gives her money.
    I do realise now she has been emotionally blackmailing me.and you are right.i dont have to be friends wth her.i thought she understood my suicidal feelings.but when I asked her for support she said she was out enjoying herself and it wasnt her problem
    I cant believe I bought her a gift.i feel stupid
  19. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    I want to say more.Her mother has gone blind in one eye yet she never talks about this.She said if her mother goes blind she will kill herself wtf??
    I told her my brother had stabbed himself in the head and was in hospital ,she answered me by saying 'oh no im very bad ,I cant finish my sandwich ,i have real problems'
    Im venting now ,cos Im very angry.She wants conselling though nothing has ever happened to her.ever .
    I dont think shes mentally ill either cos my thoughts are lot more psychotic than hers.
  20. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member



    sorry that things are like this for you. I'm glad that you're safe now. that whole thing with your mom must have been very traumatic for both you and her.

    hopefully you'll be able to find some new friends. I hope that things can get better for you too

    it would be nice if things could work out with you and the friend you talked about, but if not, that's ok too