online relationship a real relationship or not?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by justmeonlyme, Mar 17, 2011.


do you think online relationships are REAL relationships?

  1. yes they are real

    31 vote(s)
  2. no there not

    28 vote(s)
  3. im not sure

    8 vote(s)
  1. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    what is your opinion?

    so as some of you may know i met my boyfriend on here (sf) we have been in a relationship for nearly 7months and well lately people (mainly irl) have been making indirect comments about online relationship not been a real relationship...
    i understand that it is different from a 'normal' relationship but i still believe it is a real relationship.
    i just wondered what your opinions are...
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Unless there is face to face meeting I personally do not consider it to be a real relationship without real contact.

    Online only(not saying only online) someone can be whatever they want to be even if they aren't.
  3. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    The noun relationship has multiple meanings:
    1. a connection, association, or involvement.
    2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
    3. an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.
    4. a sexual involvement; affair.

    To different people, the word has different meanings and is usually defined by the context, but even then different people have different ideas of what you mean when you use the word.

    People are different online to 'real life'. They behave differently and say things they wouldn't say if they were face to face with someone. Their emotions behave differently as well. I personally feel that although online relationships (by which I mean any sort of relationship, platonic or otherwise) are real relationships, and you can feel a genuine connection with that person, they cannot ever be the same as a 'real life' relationship. This is particularly the case with sexual relationships; in order to have a true and deep connection with someone, you need to be physically close to them as well as emotionally close.

    However, don't let other people affect the way you feel. You should always do what you feel is right, and not allow your actions to be governed by others. Basically, you should follow your heart.

  4. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    It's real in the sense that you can make a connection to someone and if you define a relationship as 2 people sharing connection then I guess you can make an argument that it's a real relationship, although its a pretty weak argument at that. If you're in an online relationship with someone, I would think one of the main goals, if not the main goal would be to meet up in real life, and never have I heard of people in online relationships where they didn't want to meet in real life (unless, of course, one person or both have been lying or deceiving the other in some way). I think its pretty clear why they would want to meet in real life, because its more tangible, there is more of a connection and the interaction is something that can't be had online.

    So imagine, a hypothetical situation where you both could never meet up in real life. Would you consider it a relationship if you could never meet up in real life? Would you be committed to it even though you could never meet that other person...ever? Would you remain monogamous knowing you could never feel each others touch?

    I don't think online relationships are real, but I do think they can lead to the real thing.
  5. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    You can spiral around online very very quickly with personal information and fun because the physical and environmental aspects aren't there. It's just text and your mind. To me it's like half, but it's by no means in my opinon a complete relationship. A perfect online relationship may not work when two people actually meet. Though one could say that's due to their own social and personal failings outside of the internet.

    I donno. A different type of relationship maybe. .. acutally yeah I'd say it is a relationship. Hell it's a relationship if you feel it is. You can still feel the same things if not even more intense(and quicker) than a standard relationship. But on that note, a standard relationship makes you feel.. alot more than an online relationship ever could. imho
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    the same thing holds true in person - and in both cases the relationship would have been built on false pretenses

    i think the key is honesty and the desire to make it work
  7. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Hence the bold.
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    my mistake

    doesn't change my point
  9. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Im assuming you're asking this question also from the position of pure honesty.
    Makes life easier, because the whole is he/she "lying" to any degree just is a secondary issue to what you're asking.

    The whole lying this is up to your ability to read them and see their consistancy. And also what you're willing to accept. Lying in relationships, a stupid 8 debate in my opinon. x Just saying.
  10. Kathy

    Kathy Well-Known Member

    I'd say yes they are real.

    Consider two situations:

    You spend everyday talking to someone, but you never see there face or get to touch them.

    You have physical contact with a person everyday, sexual and other types. You never once talk to them, you never once feel any emotion from them.

    Who are you closer to?

    I guess most people would say the first one. The only thing different about an internet relationship is the second part is not possible.
  11. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I'm in two minds about it. I agree with most points here but i think that to put what you have online into 'real life' might not always translate so well.

    So what works in the cyber world, won't necessarily work when you are really together.
  12. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Depends on what level you consider your relationship to be at. Even friendships count as relationships, although non-romantic, they are still relationships with other people with whom you share a trust, rapport, and alliance.

    So in that light, sure online relationships are relationships. However, I believe they are merely superficial due to the fact that the relationship ends once the computer is turned off or the power goes out, or heaven-forbid a disaster of epic proportions keeps you out of contact with this person due to lack of technology. And as someone else said, to which I concur, anyone can be anything they choose to be on the internet, behind a convenient curtain of anonymity. You know virtually nothing about the person until you meet and actually are in their company and living among or with them in a variety of real-life situations. That's a more valid relationship, in my opinion.
  13. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Also, people are much different in person than when they're just a screen name in a computer that says cute things to you and makes you feel good about yourself.
  14. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Online relationships can be real but only go so far. I don't see why online friendships cannot be real. In my experience, honesty is the key, online or real life. For romantic, committed relationships, its another story. I met my husband online over 8 years ago as a chat buddy. The connection was real and just evolved from online, to phone, to real life meeting, to wedding. Of course I know him more in depth than when we first met, but that's what time passed with somebody under the same roof does for you. But in real life, was I surprised, was he a different person than the one I met online: nope. But then, he is a brutally honest, what you see is what you get guy. It was impossible to steal his socks or rant about him walking in the kitchen with his dirty rubber boots. And certainly to build a life together. The thing is, its fair to assume online is the perfect playground for those who are afraid by intimacy and commitment. But they would fear those in real life as well. I would tend to believe its important to be more careful and have much less expectations of how far things can go.
  15. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Agree with that 100%, who knows what a person is like until you actually meet them, so easy to lie on the 'net thinking that you'll never meet that person, can really only see problems for those that go that route by meeting their ideal mate.:sad:
  16. Bubble

    Bubble Well-Known Member

    To me, online relationships is just yet another form of laziness. Its just connecting with someone who maybe has something in common with you or you seem to get a long well.
    Everybody knows there has to be physical attraction to make a relationship work, no man or woman is going to be in a fully commited long term relationship if they wake up beside someone they have no physical attraction too.
    So I ask you this:
    Have you seen each other?
    Do you discuss meeting up?
    Do you have adult conversations? or just tiptoe around it and continue with more "friendship" conversation.

    If not, you really need to figure out if this so called "relationship" is actually real or you're just filling a gap in your life with endless typing (perhaps skyping) to a good friend.

    An internet relationship can provide minor comfort and security but when it comes down it to it, I really see it as a friendship more.
    You can't move in together, go on holidays, be intimate, take photographs at events together, be social with them and your other friends, get married..Its a one step process rather that building your life over years of dedication.

    I really think you need to look at what you're doing & decide if its worthwhile moving onto a 'real' relationship or staying friends.
  17. ALoveLetterAway

    ALoveLetterAway Active Member

    I think they are, or at least can be with enough trust between the people in the relationship.

    I've been in an long-distance relationship for four months with a girl I'd been talking to for a year or so beforehand. We'd been great friends and I loved talking to her, and eventually started dating. Has it been hard? Very. But I can honestly say it's the best relationship I've been in.

    Honesty is the most important thing, though. If you get into a long-distance relationship with someone, they could be anybody. The "pretty girl who's close to your age" could easily be somebody else. Once I knew that my girlfriend was who she said she was, I trusted her a lot more.

    Meeting in person? We haven't done that yet, hopefully sometime next year. But I'm happy with how things are with us now, too.
  18. Pécheur

    Pécheur Account Closed

    Definately to me. It depends whether you're commited.
    As most know my hubby lives 5000 miles away because I finish school in May. But I love him the same if not more.
    'Absence makes the heart fonder'.
  19. ALoveLetterAway

    ALoveLetterAway Active Member

    Couldn't agree more. Not being able to see the person you're with makes you cherish it your time together, rather than taking it for granted like people sometimes do in "real life" relationships.
  20. Hellfrost

    Hellfrost Well-Known Member

    I dated a girl from england once (i live in the netherlands). For me it was a good thing we had already shared loads of stuff online. When we actually met up irl it was only awkward for a little while, after that things went great. If i had not already gotten to know her before hand i prolly wouldnt have been able to say more than hi.