The second to last therapist I had—my favorite therapist to this date—gave up on me six months into our therapy. Once I had made strides towards more lethal methods, she told me that she was afraid that I was going to be the only one of her clients that actually ended their lives. She feared for her career and reputation if my death were to occur (and actually said this to me). I have a seriously difficult time trusting people; in my experience, people don’t want to take on the emotional burden of a suicidal friend. They give up or shy away out of discomfort, and even the health professionals aren’t very reliable. I told one of my long-standing friends that I came close to ending my life recently, and all he could say to me was “man, don’t talk about wanting to die like that- I’m sorry you feel bad. I don’t know what else to say.” I haven't even talked to him since, and I don't know how. “I don’t know what to say” is the most common phrase I hear, if I hear anything at all. Typically, the response is to simply shy away and not even address the matter. My absolute best friend and I are no longer friends because of this very issue. His discomfort with my suicidality and reluctance to deal with it led to his disappearance from my life—a reality that I was never able to fathom, and have difficulty processing even now. But honestly, who really wants a depressed person in his/her life when that kind of misery just brings everyone down? Even when dealing with those that I meet that can relate to having mental health disorders, I can still see the weariness on their faces when they are confronted with my issues, and I can plainly recognize the burden that I bring into their lives. I am simply not worth it.