It's been a long time since I posted. And this being the second thread I ever created, I think it will be the last of my energy to ever do so again, and it will be accomplished through the current tears running down my face. Without a car or much money left I am losing hope along with my apartment. I have applied to many jobs but never receive a response and the one interview I went on did not seem to work out as I never heard anything back. Only a matter of months until I will be evicted as money has run dry and there's no where else to go. I am not strong enough to live in homeless shelters or on the streets. Wandering around and attempting to survive in such a situation isn't going to accomplish anything while holding on to some hope that things will change. They won't change and the hope of being given a chance is basically slim to none in this world. Fate seems to be dependent on the family one is born into and I was dealt a pretty bad hand. I tried my best as I once obtained my own apartment, but full-time positions were eliminated and becoming a whistleblower with my last part-time job was not smart. The frustrations of having hours constantly cut and worrying about how to survive even with that job was unbearable. I guess the good thing is that the unethical wayward corporation won't be using my energy anymore to obtain their enormous profits as I live out my last days anyway. Not sure what I am looking for by posting these words. Just a final desperate attempt at something as there's not much else I can do anymore. If you all can survive in the comforts of your own homes, have enough to eat, and not have to worry constantly about losing it all, consider yourself very lucky in life. Things can be pretty horrible for most as it is obvious on these forums, but maybe a lot can read what I am dealing with and understand that unless you're going to be living on the streets, in homeless shelters, or of course have a terminal illness, life is not that bad and you can still enjoy whatever there is to desire. Loneliness is quite a pain as one can understand. Imagine being lonely along with the knowledge that you will no longer have that security of shelter and survivability. I am terrified and constantly in tears now days. I remember being happy as I once was, but everything has turned to complete suffering and sorrow. Life is too difficult and I understand I was not fit or born into a family which could properly prepare myself for this world. Never had a license, a car, or even opportunities to go to school. The biggest shame is being physical fit while willing and capable of working hard full-time or even longer as I cannot find anyone who's willing to hire. My last conversation with my mother resulted in the reminder of homeless shelters, but I cannot cope with that type of life. The ultimate end is a strong possibility as it can be quick and painless, so I should be at least grateful for that. Living in a world that doesn't really care along with strings being attached to every piece of kindness and compassion is too hard to stomach anymore. The pain is quite overbearing and not even the tears can wash that away anymore. This thread might be the last essence of the being that is me in this world. I strongly wish that things were meant to be as there could be a purpose and destiny that we all have and must fulfill, but it seems like a giant universe that consists of random cosmic probabilities and we should all be so lucky to have at least the ability to survive. I cannot endure this at all. Hope has diminished and despair completely resides. I understand most are fearful to respond or afraid of saying the wrong thing. In regards to myself and this thread, I hope everyone understands there's nothing that could make me feel worse or trigger anything horrible just by going over comments or anything. At this point in time I could accept opinions or compassion in all forms as there's nothing else in my life. Everything truly hurts. Nothing can be enjoyed anymore. Only a matter of months.